Don't Hate Me Because I Love Walmart

I must admit, I'm glad the shopping part of the Christmas holiday is behind me. I do not enjoy being in large crowds with short tempered, impatient customers and overworked, underpaid and overwhelmed clerks.

I did all my shopping in a matter of days thanks to phenomenal planning and being able to get to the stores at an extraordinarily early hour!! Beat the crowds!! It works every time!!

And a hardy thanks goes out to Walmart for just being there all the time 24 hours a day. Except for the eggnog incident, it would be the perfect store. And it will continue to be the perfect store as long as it stays out of my home town in Kentucky. I, for one, do not mind driving the 20 minutes to either Lexington or Frankfort.

While having a conversation with one of my customers we were discussing the long underwear fad. I remarked that I would not go to Victoria Secret to purchase them when Walmart carried a perfectly good brand called Hanes. She remarked that she found her daughter's at Value City.

Value City?? I remember that name from when I lived in Louisville! I traipsed myself into the store (which I pass practically everyday!!) and that was the end of my shopping spree!! They had everything I wanted!! For me!! I found the cutest little pair of fur trimmed boots....a must in the white tundra waste land....., designer pants, wonderful marked down racks! I was in heaven! My shopping was completed.

I promise that next year (I make this solemn pledge every year at this time) I will start earlier, keep better records of what I think people would like, and use the Internet. Joe did not even have to leave the house!

But...just the fact of being there, of tapping into some cosmic affiliation with all the last minute grabbers, I mean shoppers. It is almost magical, if not hysterical.

I know I would miss it.

I am agitated!!!!!!!

I'm not sure where it came from. It may have started when I was standing in Walmart and realized they did not have anymore Southern Comfort Vanilla Spice Eggnog! I looked in every possible nook and cranty trying to find one bottle...one bottle, please just one bottle. The I just dragged myself to the spice row and purchased pure vanilla extract to add to the 1/2 gallon run of the mill ho-hum eggnog.

But wait, it started before that. It may have started because I was sitting in my vehicle at 8am getting ready to fill the gas tank for a jaunt into Ohio when my cell phone rang and it was Bridget. When ever she calls this early, it is not good. Her car won't start.

From 300 miles away I call my brother, get the phone number of the mechanic he uses and I use to use when I lived in Louisville during the 1980's. I called Bridget back and told her to be sure to let Dick know that she was that little girl got such a thrill riding in his tow truck so many years ago!!

Maybe it was even before then, when Dave was making Kentucky jokes Tuesday afternoon. I usually just tune it out. I don't quite understand why they make such fun of Kentuckians up here. He asked me who the people in Kentucky made fun of, I said "IFI'S"

"What's that?" he asked as he fell into my trap.

"Idiots From Indiana." I responded.

Or maybe it happened when I had to have a cup of coffee and I was closest to a bakery. I am so weak. That cherry fritter looked so good. I'm on weight watchers for Goodness Sakes!!! Well, I will be after my eggnog supply runs out.

On the way home I even began to doubt the stories about the Angel. The Angel being the woman who helps my Mom take care of Dad...everyday. The latest bit of trouble she has been in is as always, unbelievable! This time, she totaled her cousins car while trying to make it to a bank in Nicholasville with $600 cash so that they would not take her house away from her. Every week it is something else. She is totally reliable, she shows genuine affection for my Mom and Dad, she is practically one of the family after all these months. If all this was not the case, I would think she was a con artist of the highest quality.

The day was one that had a lot of irritants flying around.

Then I come to the computer and I find an email from one of the people we went through all the shelters and the Hurricane with.



(Dave and Joe)

Suddenly, everything is okay again. Tomorrow is another day.

And St Paddy's Day is only 86 days away!!

Why I love Christmas

There is so much I love that I hardly know where to begin. I love the anticipation on the drive home, and how it builds the closer I get. I know that the moment I open that mail box I will find Christmas Cards from my friends and family. I get such a thrill from that. I find that my spirits lift sky high when I see the red envelopes or the handwritten address. Nothing like that sensation of delight attached to handling them, opening them and reading them.

I wish I could trade cards all year long. But it is not that easy. I should be happy and content that I hear from long lost friends at least once a year.

I love the smell of the Christmas tree. It begins to fade in short time, so a candle from Walmart has been exceptionable wonderful. I went back to purchase a few more and they were gone!!

I love egg nog. I think I love egg nog too much. Thank God it is only during the holidays! The Southern Comfort vanilla spice was a pleasant surprise! It has quickly been urshered in as a Christmas staple.

I love buying things for other people. I do not like shopping in crowded stores, and I have put off doing this for way too long. I will find myself once again among the procrastinators and panicked stricken in the last few shopping days. But.....I know exactly what I want, so it shouldn't be to awful.

I love all the cookies that are offered to everyone at work! It is as if everyone tries to chip in and bring an assortment. It has been wonderful at this new facility! And I just realized that everyone is probably wondering when my contribution to the expanding waist line will appear. Guess I know what I will be doing tomorrow night!

I love Christmas Lights. I love getting into the car and driving slowly around in the neighborhoods and oooohhhhing and aaaahhhing.

I love the feeling that comes over me, knowing that I have a wonderful family and a wonderful husband, and a wonderful job, and a wonderful life.

A wonderful life. I love knowing that I realize that.

Saint Patrick's Day is 89 Day's Away

Guess who is playing the Agora Ballroom in Cleveland on St. Paddy's Day?

One Guess?

Its THE SAW DOCTORS!!!!!!!!!!!!

About a month ago the date was posted and my sister Omega and I decided we had to go once it became a definite date. She even got a hotel room for us.

They went on sale December 2nd! I was not paying attention! I am so thrilled. I had hoped to see them once a year for the rest of my life or their performing career, which ever ends first.

Saint Patrick's Day! Am I insane!!!!

This is going to be some party.

A RANT

This is when this journal is so useful. I would never post this harsh post on my AOL blog. Never. I could not imagine the response I would get!! Ha!!!

I can not understand why some people go private and do not invite me to read their journal!! Me!! Sweet little of me who never hurt anyone or anything. ("I swear officer I didn't know that 45 was loaded).

Last year, one journal I read and faithfully commented (because I wanted to, not because I felt I had to) went private and locked me out. I sent and email asking "what's up" (paraphrasing) and was told that they thought I would not be interested in reading the journal. WTF?

She admitted me, and nothing was the same after that. Then she became public again, then private again and once again I was locked out, so I just figured she did not welcome me.

I see it happening all over AOL-J land. It is understandable with the Ad's and all the ruckus that followed that. The exodus, the migration to Blogger, Expatriate Land. Yet, most gave some warning. Some farewell, adieu, cheerio, auf wiedersehen, arrivederci, gesundheit.

It feels like a slammed door. With Bloglines you can read the final posts, even if that door is closed. At least some, "Exclusive Club" statement.

I sent an email and it was DELETED! Not even read. I guess I am hurt. And confused. I never should have written that Bad Bunnie post! No telling how many people I offended! Actually, I must have offended her long before that. What is also so astonishing is that I care! And I want an explanation. I would even accept that she feels I am not interested in her journal.

Several times in this wonderful online connection to the lives of others I have felt that we are acting like High School children. I am guilty of this also. I can't tell you how much I wanted to shoot off another email to this woman and use that unloaded 45....instead, I am here. I am about to move up to Junior Standing from the sophomoric detention class.

But not yet. Just let me have one punch!! Please!!!

Where is my Paper?

Ever since moving up here to the Cold, White, Frozen Tundra of the North (new horror today,treacherous blowing snow) I made double certain that our little old local weekly paper would follow us. It arrives in our mail box around Tuesday, four days behind the issue date of the previous Thursday. (but, you can purchase it Wednesday evening after 7pm at Krogers..if I were still there).

I really look forward to it.

It is a cornucopia of vital information for those of us living away from our beloved small town and hungry for news of home. On the second page,known as the editorial page, under the letters to the Editor is a step back in time with the "From Our Files" section. Terse news clips from 10 years ago, 25 years ago and my new favorite, 40 years ago. I can now relive who attended the 12th birthday party of Tabby D. or who attended cotillion during holidays, which family is on a trip to Florida to visit an Aunt, who made deans list this fall semester at Transy U., and who is most recently admitted to the Elks Lodge. All this happened in 1965.

I love it.

I usually just get right to the meat of the matter and start at the back of the issue and find the police report. This is where all the action is to be found. Who was speeding, who was drinking and driving, who was threatening someone, who did not pay their child support and who was smoking pot driving through town. It is so delicious!!! So small town!

Just as interesting as who is doing what and getting caught is the crime report! The criminality usually revolves around throwing rocks at cars, and egging them, purses stolen out of cars at the Kroger parking lot, tractors stolen from barns and ditched, theft of fishing rods, passing funny money, and leaving the gas pump without paying.

A long list of who is suing who, who is divorcing who, who is marrying who, who is buying, who is selling and, how much they paid for it, and who is turning 50. The 50 information is usually accompanied with a photo of the birthday boy or gal as a young child and some sentimental poem....

Life is Iffy
Mike sure is Spiffy
By, Golly he is turning fifty!!

Love, Lorraine, Mama and Papa, Bubba and Irene,
Bufford and Little Bufford.



I realize it is very corny. And I am realizing it is Friday and I have not received my copy of last weeks "Woof-it Sun". Dang it!!

This is the issue with all the 2005 Christmas babies in it!

Memories of Snow Falls Past

Weather report.

We are bracing ourselves for THE BIG ONE. If this is the Big One what was that last week? A pre-tuner? Larger than eight inches? Now I thoroughly understand the meaning of White Death.

Snow surrounds me. Everywhere I look there is the dullish blue white carpet of snow. It continues to fall occasionally in a lazy manner, like a drunken ballerina. Gentle flurries. If I did not have to drive in it, I would be smitten with its dazzling beauty.

The angelic beauty of the newly fallen snow takes me back to those of years long ago when I was in grammar school in the 1960's. It seemed to snow more back in those childhood memories. At the bedtime prayer we would bow our heads. We would pray fervently and with great passion for a severe snow storm. We would rise earlier than usual and sit at the breakfast table, ears glued and focused on the early morning radio talk show...Artie Kay... and continue with our prayers with fingers crossed. He would read off the list of school closings. Our county, which begins with the letter "W" was always at the end. The list would be agonizingly long and cause us to lose hope...then finally, when it seemed nature had turned her back on us, it would be announced, "No School"! We would run up the stairs and tumble back into bed and give thanks that God answered our prayers! I was always especially thankful, because I was known to not complete homework on the gamble of ice and snow.

A snow day was akin to an unexpected holiday. The whole neighborhood would come out dressed in their snow clothes. Make shift snow suits of double pants, mittens pinned to the coat, double layered sweaters and sweat shirts, knitted scarfs and hats, black rubber boots that had heavy buckles up the front.

We all had sleds back in those days! We would head towards the hill on Kilmer Drive which had a steep incline that extended a good block and landed you at the bottom where it connected with the busy cross street of Douglas Ave. The more bodies you piled on a sled, the faster you plummeted down the slope. We would sit behind each other and lock together. The last person would push until they got a good speed going then fling themselves on the back. The person up front had to steer not only with the ropes attached to the cross bar, but also with their feet!

Down the hill we would plunge, gaining speed at a reckless and break neck intensity, screaming and laughing as we hung on for dear life. The cross street, Douglas, would appear all too soon adding the element of danger to the excitement. It was necessary for the driver to maneuver towards one of the side yards to break the downward charge. If not, it was certain death and destruction to shoot out into the traffic of Douglas Ave.

It was not uncommon to dismount as the sled was moving at 60 mph (at least!!!) by flinging oneself off the out of control sled! Many a time the empty sled would shoot into traffic. My youngest brother Patrick, who was probably around four then, would not give it up and hung on as it crossed the street and plowed into the front porch of the house on the other side of Douglas! I vividly remember being alarmed thinking he could have been creamed and worse (!) what trouble the rest of us would be in. We more than likely beat him up a little for being so fool hardy. Hard to hurt a kid who has ten inches of clothes layered on them.

Those memories come back to me on days like today, with the snow beginning to fall and thoughts of slick hazardous roads play in my head. The above photo is from my High School Days. Nothing changed much from grammar school till then. I still prayed, I still did not complete my homework and I still ran to the nearest hillside with a sled. We still piled on and careened down snowy slopes!

Finding this picture, I thought it would be so much fun to gather the participants and see if we could still all fit on the sled? I, for one, know that if I were to jump on top of the pile (on Gayle), Howie (on bottom) would meet with instant death, not by treacherous cross street, but by the menacing memories of middle age.

BAD BUNNIES

There was an accident this morning. The Christmas Tree fell over. It was awful! I thought I had done such a good job putting it up by myself. I noticed it was leaning a little toward the left, so I strung it up! Not good enough.

Seabiscuit was injured. I am going to have to put him down. It is so sad in so many ways! First, he was a great champion. A champion among champions! Second, I can not located a store in Ft. Wayne that has thoroughbred ornaments!

So I went to E-bay. I found what I was looking for and so much more! I went over the edge and bid on several Triple Crown winners. I will be happy if I win even one. I just hit the "buy now" button on the Seabiscuit replacement.

I could so easily become an E-Bay junkie. I love that web site. I have located the most obscure stuff there. For example, the Animal Orgy coffee cups. Long ago, in a far away land known as My Younger Self I had a bear cup from (then) Shillito's. I marveled that such a vulgar item would be available at a classy store! That only added to the charm. I always thought it amusing. I envisioned unsuspecting shoppers purchasing these cups and sitting at their middle class breakfast tables sipping coffee out of a cup painted with fornicating bears!

"Honey, I think these bears are....OH MY GOD!!!"

That was around 1980. I had that cup for a long time until one day, it was in an accident and the handle broke off. After that, I used it as a small planter for tiny Irish Shamrocks (aka, friendship plant).

One day, I realized it was gone. I have no idea if I tossed it out or it was just forgotten and left behind on one of my many kitchen window sills.

Every time I entered a flea market for 20 years, I looked for them. I poked through many highly dangerous and dusty booths of china, pottery and glass searching for those naughty bears.

E-Bay. One day this autumn, I thought I'd take a look! Next ting I know, I have four of those mugs from 1979! Not only the bears, but bunnies and elephants! I was ecstatic!

I also love STEALITBACK. I have discovered the jewelry. God Help Me. You would not believe the beautiful stuff they have and how cheap you can get it! Maybe I should not be telling you all about it.

Forget it, it does not exist!

SNOW SCENE

Tell me again why I stopped drinking coffee?

(WARNING! WARNING! WRITTEN WITHOUT SPELL CHECK)

About a year ago, out of the blue I stopped consuming caffeine in the form of coffee and soda. There actually was not a reason, I just stopped. While in Mexico, I had to have something, so I had a cup here and there. It was delicious. Like liquid heaven.

There is something about coffee that is hard to communicate. It is one of those drugs that affects each individual in a different way. Making some nervous and for others it provides the zip needed to open the eyes in the morning and keep them open through out the day.There is something so comforting about wrapping your hands around a hot cup of java with the aroma tickling your nose making you sigh with anticipation. I have found myself at the counter of Panera two times this week ordering a medium coffee....and a cinnamon Crunch.

I have used the time sipping coffee to write out my Christmas Cards. I am not one to just sign my name (and Joe's) oh no, I must add several paragraphs about this and that, usually how much I miss them and hope to see them in the coming year. With the Java Juice flowing through my veins, I become very energetic which has added a very definate literary florish to many of the cards.

As I sat there I had an onslaught of turbo charged thoughts about possible journal topics. The tables at Panera were filled with people sharing coffee and companionship. Murmuring and muffled laughter. So low key. What was missing? Missing and Journal Topics. I hit upon my two favorites subject in one!

I miss Lexington so much. How many more times can I say that? I miss the familiar places. Have I mentioned that before? I had this one coffee shop on Broadway that I loved. I would sit in one of the window spots and endure the draft that always accompanied that particular table int he winter . What seperates this place from others (maybe not Starbucks, but I rarely go in there.....) is the intoxicating Classical Music that engulfs and wraps itself around the people, the coffee, the expereince.

I think my coffee abstinence is over.

It's Beginning to Look a Lot Like Christmas

I got a lot done today. All my Christmas cards are addressed. I made a pot of Beef soup. I had the kids next door scrape the five inches of snow off the drive way for a nominal fee. I bought the worlds easiest and best Christmas tree stand. And I bought a Christmas tree.

Now I suppose there are two types of people in this world. Those who prefer artificial trees and those who go for the much more adventurous Real Live Evergreen. We are masochists at heart.

As I tried to load the tree into the stand and was poked in the eye by one of the needles the fact about masochism was rammed home! It is quite the task to put one of those trees up by yourself. I was up for the challenge and thanks to the wonderful tree stand, it was a piece of cake once I got the tree centered on the "spike".

My tree runneth over with Christmas ornaments. I must limit myself to only one or two a year. As you get older, the amount of glass, plastic, painted wood, horses and angels becomes unbelievable. I love antique ornaments and find them easily in Goodwill and Salvation Army stores during the season. One of my favorites, old English Christmas painted ornaments, I found in a Flea Market for $3.00. Twelve of them in a beautiful box.

I live for those moments.

I recently began collecting horse racing ornaments. They are so beautiful. My MO is to wait until the day after Christmas and hit the Keeneland Gift shop and the Gift Shop at the Horse Park. Half price. I also purchase next years Christmas Cards at that time too.

I'm not certain how I am going to pull it off this year.

I WANNA BE A NASCAR DRIVER

I was reading Unhinged (and trying to comment! I have been trying to comment without success to anyone on Blogger! Guess my eyes are very, very bad if I can't make out those stupid letters). She was telling us she hated LA. And I guess the rest of the that is how much she misses home.

I am only four hours from home, yet I know what she means. Here it is Christmas time and I can't shop! I really can't shop. I know where to go, there is a Mall and there is one of those new fangled outdoor type malls, with all the right stores. As a matter of fact, some of my favorite stores are represented there. Such as ULTA. Gosh, I love that place. Get to play with all the make-up before buying. Wish it were discounted, but you can't have it all. Barnes and Noble. Old Navy. What did we do before Old Navy?

But I had that all at home and so much more. I just knew where to go to get what I wanted. Its different here, I really have to hunt and search. I found this candy shop in town and went in to purchase a small box of chocolates for my best buddy Debbie in Florida. It's her birthday and I get tremendous pleasure from sending her a box of goodies each year! I go into this store and once inside I realize it is not what I thought it was. Yes, they did have boxes of chocolates, but you had to ask them to put a box together if you wanted their stuff. WTF. I commented to the lady how stange that seemed. I said that I frequented quite a few candy stores in Kentucky and how odd it seemed to have to ask for a box of their private brand. She said, "You haven't been here very long have you?" WTF. The she proceeds to tell me she knows the stores in Kentucky and they do not make their own. WTF. I have been in their kitchens!!!!!!! I have eaten enough bourbon balls to wind up in the bourbon ball hall of fame. I started to name names, Rebecca-Ruth, Old Kentucky Chocolates, Ruth Hunt, (to die for Blue Monday candy bar) and Schneiders (opera creams) in Newport. She did not say anything more to me other than, "$23.28"...I also got 1/4 pound of those luscious licorice assorts. (I love candy).

How many people will I offend it I say I hate this place. I hate it because it is not home. I know how unreasonable that is, how unreasonalbe I am being. But that is how I feel.

Today, I am behind a car driving the speed limit. Everyone here drives the speed limit! It drives me insane. While I was in Hell City I was told not to speed on the deserted desolate country roads, "they are everywhere" I was told. To hell with that. This is the flattest land outside of the desert and I am going to book it. It is like people are born with this innate gene that makes them drive slow....I mean the speed limit. It drives me crazy.

NASCAR was created in the South. We all have attended events at the drag strip. Hell, we all have taken a crack at the drag strip! We amuse ourselves on self made drag strips. I guess it is innate in Southerns to drive fast. For a variety of reasons. To outrun the cops, make it home before our parents, to arrive at the bootleggers before they close, to be at work on time.

Another thing that bugs the hell out of me, while I am on it, is how entire families go shopping together here. It's not like everyone is Amish and it is an event! I just got home from Walmart and it was a mad house. Families of five, six hell even families of eight were all shopping together and having a great time. I would never deny anyone a good time mind you. But at Walmart?

For God's Sake.

PMS BLUES

My immediate boss is a woman. It has been a long time since I have had a female boss. And somewhere in the back files of my mind I remember telling myself to never ever work for a woman again!!

I prefer men (duh). They are.....less emotional, say what they mean (most the time, unless they are trying to trick you), answer their phones, don't have PMS, and usually do not have the sixth sense. They are basically pretty easy to work with (for) and manipulate. (did I really write that down!)

For example, this morning my boss called one of my co-workers. He was on his way out and standing in the hallway halfway in the door of another co-workers office across the way. I could hear her voice. Not exactly what she was saying, but knew it was her. He said "Arby's" and then the next thing I know both of them have vanished.

I immediately think that they are meeting for breakfast and not invited me. This is exactly why I should not work for a woman. I expect the worst. My imagination runs wild. My uncanny sixth sense and intuitive nature are working overtime.

Actually, she is between a rock and a hard place. The day after I returned from the Hurricane, Friday, I tried all day to call her. She never returned my calls. On Monday when I just showed up at the plant hoping I had a job, she told me she had received her "pink slip" that day. Nothing she had done, but just cutting out another level of unnecessary middle management. Not the greatest way to start off with her.

I have been with the company a couple of years more than her. I realize that if they like you and you are a hard worker and valuable to the company, they find a place for you. (hopefully not in Hell City). She will bounce back. She will land on her feet. She will be okay.

But....I still feel some sort of negative feelings coming at me from her. I may even deserve them, because I can be a royal pain in the ass. And I don't even try, it just comes natural.

Anyway, my feelings were not exactly hurt this morning....but I was amused. Once again feeling like the outsider.

Familiar Haunts

This morning after leaving Bridget's I decided to treat myself to breakfast. Lynn's Paradise Cafe was too crowded, Ditto's looked closed so I ended up at the Shoney's on Eastern Parkway & Preston. And what a treat it was! First of all, to be surrounded by southern accents. Music to my ears. And the service! I recgonized it last night also, when we ate at the pub attached to the Marriott downtown. Service was spectacular! Friendly, prompt. I can not begin to count the times I have walked out of places in Indiana because I was not acknowledged by the staff and servers! Astonishing! Little do they know, I am a great (and I do mean Great)tipper. But, I have to get good service.

I am not expected anywhere today, so I have the entire day to so what ever it is I want to do! I went downtown and took pictures! It is a gray overcast day and I loved it. I miss the dismal gray of a Ohio Valley sky. So familiar and expected. All the better to appreciate the sunshine when he makes an appearance. I wish I could put into works why Louisville is so beautiful to me. It is a large city like very other large city, yet it shines even in the overcast skies of late November. From the funky stores and streets of Bardstown Road to the breathtaking expanse of the Ohio River stretching towards Indiana every little nook and cranty is familiar and a welcome sight.

Then Lexington. I find myself racing to the Friends Book Cellar because I have not been able to find the time to visit since May. I am due for a fix. A very over due fix! First off, Joe, one of the staff volunteers is on duty! He greets me with a hug, tells my how beautiful I look, and how he has missed me! Now that is service!

I find in the aisles two of my favorite books ever in Hard Back! A terrific find! I am buried in the Travel section and find six books I must have! In total, I have 12 books. Total....$29. I love this place! I wonder about sneaking them into the house in Ft. Wayne, as my book collection is totally out of hand. It is actually housed in our storage area!

I am now at the computer room casually casting my eyes around looking for the mutterer. Very bad to make eye contact with him, I would think. I doubt he is here since I don't hear him.

My next stop will be the liquor Barn, which I will just run up and down the aisles and rejoice at the selection and the prices. There is not a single store in Ft. Wayne anywhere close to the gigantic liquor stores in this area. Not only liquor, but the best greeting cards, gifts, party favors, a deli, balloons, gift baskets, designer coffees, gourmet foods and candy, and of course lots and lots of beer! Lots and lots of quirky beers from all over the world! I live for these moments.

I am then off to the consignment shop. I love that place. I need a new winter coat for the harsh North East winds! I know I will find it there. Plus, no telling what else.

I have an 18 pound Turkey in the back of my car. I certainly hope it thaws out before tomorrow morning. I feel strange with the bird in my back area. I keep checking on it. I know this is the most unconventional method I have ever using for thawing out a turkey.

Light Up Louisville

I made it down here to Louisville in only three hours! Not much of a rush hour in Indianpolis. Great way to not lose time. It's amazing how much more young kids remember. We arrived at the square moments before Santa plugged in the gigantic electrical plug. Scott noted that we arrived just in time last year too. Hmmmm. Bridget thought the lights and the fireworks were more elaborate last year too. Hmmmmmmmmm again.

They thought it was very cold walking from the building to the square. I thought "Ha!" This is not cold. This is chilly! Every morning in Ft. Wayne the wind chill has put the temperature in the teens. Walking in 30 degree weather was like a day at the beach. Ha hahaha.

I am worried about Bridget. She has not been feeling well for some time now. She went to the doctor almost two months ago to try and diagnosis what is ailing her. It was thought that she might have pancreatic (sp?) this past summer. The doctor began by trying to eliminate things. Unfortunately, she told Bridget that as a last result they would scope her. Immediately she began to collect stories about how horrible that is! I am too far away to force her to go. Like those years of long past......she is an adult now. I worry. My sister has suggested Crohns disease.

I guess the apple does not fall far from the tree.

If I could find their ubc plug I would see how the pictures turned out from last night. I have not purchased a DSLR as of yet. I found a great deal on the Internet, but they tried so hard to up sell me that it turned me off. A re-chargeable battery pack for $80! I hate recharge able batteries!!! And then he tired to tell me that I needed a very expensive flash card.....I said, "I think I need to rethink this purchase."

I truly want one. Hey,I need one!!! I really do.

Home away from Home

I have found a great library on State Street. What that means is, no waiting for a computer! My favorite library in Lexington required a waiting period at times. Not too too bad. There were some crazies in that library. One man in particular that once threatened a woman for supposedly stealing his keys! He also was a mutterer. And he usually sat close to me...and muttered.

This library is brand spanking new. And if school were not out, I bet I would be in here alone.

I am packed and ready to hit the road. I am just biding my time until it is maybe....230 - 245 before I hit the road. It is an approximate three and half hour drive. I hope to be there well before the Light up Louisville festival begins. I think there may be singing and a speech from the mayor and then Santa throws the switch.

The best part will be being able to see Bridget! And spend time with her. I bought her the cutest scarf at the Mall several days ago. It is a shaggy thing in a pale blue that should light up her eyes...

Cathy wrote me back. I burst out crying when I saw the email! Her mother is in the hospital recovering from triple by-pass surgery. Her father is a wreck. I am so psyched that we are talking...writing....after all this time.

There is this terrific journal, I forget the name right now, that I was reading last week and she had posted several letters that she had kept that had very sentimental memories attached to them. It reminded me that before email, we had to correspond through the US mail. While I was living in Houston, pregnant with Bridget, Cathy and I wrote each other all the time. I know I have those letters somewhere in all my stuff...I can see the box in my storage shed right now!

I am thrilled to have that door open again. We had such great times together at Murray and in Louisville. She was my closest friend for the longest time. Always there for me.

There is so much to be grateful for this Thanksgiving. I like the idea of taking a toll of all the things recently that have been good.

My Dad receiving new "ears" and being able to make declarative statements and even asking questions? It had been so long since he has been able to participate.

Joe becoming a Grandpa and making me a Grandma!

Being re-hired and in a job I love.

Reconnecting with Cathy after all these years.

Receiving the Vivi award.

Going to Mexico and surviving a hurricane and then having the adventure of a lifetime!

Omega and I making plans to see the Saw Doctors on St.Patrick's Day in Cleveland this coming March! Yea! Rah!

Not hitting that car and rear ending it when it was snowing Wednesday when I could not come to a stop and just slid towards it.

Getting able to leave and go home to Kentucky early today!

I could go on and on. I think that life seems much nicer and doable when you take time to reflect on things that are good in your life. It is so easy to slip into a depression and a sour mood if you allow yourself to only make a litany of those things that make you sad.

It's almost 2pm. Time to mosey on along.

Cathy and Bridget....1981

MURRAY MEMORIES

Yesterday I received one of those mass span's from Classmates.com. It began by telling me that someone was searching for me. I usually just delete them, but I went ahead and opened it up! Lo and Behold it was allowing me access to my Gold Membership!!

I know, I'm "clueless", that's why I purchase services. Could it be because I can afford it! Ha!! (that's a whole other entry that I am avoiding because I am astounded that people throw rocks at AOL...duck!!!) I bought it earlier this year after writing an entry about Cathy. I was determined to find her! And I did with Classmates. Only problem was, she never responded to my e-mail.

So, I tried again.

Our history is long and puzzling. I hate the fact that I have not seen or heard from her in over 20 years.

One of my friends once told me that I hang on to people with tenacity the likes he has never seen before. It is so true.

So, I have tried again with the hope that this time she will forgive me for my rashness and anger that I displayed all those years ago and hurt her. As David Letterman would say, "Put bygones behind us, the water under the bridge, over the dam, wherever water goes--standing in your basement"...(I loved that!).

That is why I think I had that vivid dream about Murray State University last night. In technicolor! I hopped into my Pinto (which is the car I owned all those years ago) and traveled the 250 miles down the West Kentucky Parkway. (surprised it could make it after all these years. A Pinto is not a vehicle you see around everyday, and for a reason!). Once I arrived there I ran into my pal Marilyn and we had a tour of the house on 1206 Main Street that I once lived in. I was concerned that my name was still on the lease and called the police. I was damned that if I wasn't receiving some of the profits from this "boarding" house that I would be responsible for it!!

It was right after I spoke to the police, who arrived in plain clothes with his wife, that I realized I had left my computer at home! How could I live without my computer and on-line journals????

I also began to realize I had packed neither my computer nor a tooth brush! I understood that it was my subconscious talking, I did not want to return to college, especially as a 50 something woman! These students were young enough to be my kids!! And they were smoking pot! "Don't you all know that they drug test out there!!" I clued them. I did not fit in anymore.

I drove around campus, "up the hill" and did not recognize a thing. I'm certain it was then that I turned around and headed the four hours home.

I've been recently having some very detailed dreams about Murray and the people I knew from that time in my life. I wonder what my subconscious is trying to tell me, or remember? Actually, I am just enjoying the movies my dreams are giving to me, like a present, about that time so long ago.

Fragments from the week

Life is a blur. Rapidly streaking by at mach speed. The older I grow the faster it flashes and turns the calendar pages. When I was a child Christmas came at an excruciating slow pace. The build up of expectation, the time away from school, the anticipation of snow was an overwhelming pleasure that I looked forward to all year.

Now I wish time would slow down. At times I wish it would even reverse. What I would give to have my Bridget as an inquisitive four year old again, snuggled up beside me in bed sleeping the dreams of angels.

What I do have now are fragments of memories from the past few days that will serve as tiny souvenirs of the waning days of 2005.

Joe and I traveling to Van Wert Saturday morning and I putting the new CD I had found at Borders into the player. Buena Vista Social Club. I feel as if I tricked him into listening to my "wacky Latin music" by saying it had Ry Cooder on it. I look back on that morning and him listening to the album in its entirely as symbolic of his love for me. And his tolerance of my wacky ways as I leaned over and sang "Ay ay ay ay....I am the Frito Bandito" inserted into the music.

Monday mid-afternoon found me having the attacks in my chest again. I was driving north on I-69 and began to semi-panic. I felt for certain I was having the beginning of a heart attack now! I turned around and headed back to Ft. Wayne and an urgent treatment center when I positioned myself while in the waiting room into an incline posture that took the pressure off my chest. The doctor examined me and told me the news. I have a pulled muscle in my chest.

It has not hurt once since.

We were having a visitor at the Sales Center. Someone from my past! Someone who has been promoted from the Center in Lexington to the biggest position in the Regional area. I have not seen him in four years, and feel he was very instrumental in helping me find my way back. Or course I wake up yesterday with a red blemish on the tip of my nose! Good lord!!! All day long I had to keep reapplying make-up to the affected area. When they day was winding down into the final moments and I thought I had missed him and abandoned my nose charade, there he was.

Oh it was good to see him!

Thanksgiving, my favorite holiday, is tomorrow. I found this terrific Arkansas Bar-B-Que place in the downtown area and we will have smoked brisket and the fixings for dinner tomorrow. Then I travel to Kentucky for time with my family.

That is what I am thoroughly thankful for.

From the Archives....November 13, 2003

I read an entry in "Coming to terms with Middle Age" by miraminiak about a Simon & Garfunkel concert she had just seen. It triggered memories of all the concerts I have attended over the past several decades.

A sound track has accompanied my life ever since I have been about 12 years old. The Rolling Stones were a major force in the movie of my life from about 1978 till mid 80's. The above photo is from the Start Me Up tour. The photo's are bootleg...(oops, you don't think I will be in trouble do you?)...and I have several of them.

I was living in Louisville. My best friend had a friend who was the door man at Phoenix Hill Tavern. He secured a lot of tickets for this concert. He begrudgingly sold us four tickets. He was unsure which were the best seats. I could not find anyone I wanted to go with and so we ended up in front of Broadbent arena with an extra ticket. It was sold pretty quickly to someone in the crowd outside hoping to score a seat.

OH MY GOD! The seats were left hand stage! On the upper deck, first row, overlooking the stage! When the Stones came out, I could see everything on the stage. Everything and everyone. I could practically reach out and touch Keith.

Then, this attitude heavy dude comes up and sits next to me. The fortunate one who got the extra ticket. All I remember about him was that he had a hash pipe and he was sharing.

The next day I go to work and everyone knew how excited I was to see the Stones and were asking questions about the concert. For some reason....I remembered the beginning and .....

The phone rings, its Lloyd (who got the tickets from Phoenix Hill). "So, how did you like those seats?" (Unfortunately, he had chosen the lesser of the two). "They were great! Too bad they didn't play very long". Lloyd was silent for several seconds, then just said, "Good-bye".

When I finally got to talk to my friend she told me the rest of the story. The guy with the hash pipe was shot-gunning me and I passed out. Mick Jagger got in the cherry picker and came right up to us. She tried to wake me up (smacking me!) but I was out cold. She swears, Mick looked at me, shook his head and rolled his eyes.

These may have been my best seats ever and I blew it!

A Different Drummer

One of the dangers to having an on line journal is the risk you are taking when you lay it all out there. You never know who is reading. Secondly, you have absolutely no control over how people perceive what you are writing. Something written in jest is taken as serious. Tongue in cheek is taken as a position on a subject.

One of the by-products from the great exodus from AOL I see is a tremendous surge of freedom beginning to form. So many of us have been so careful not to hurt feelings, say the wrong things, and God forbid, be misunderstood. And then there was the dreaded TOS! I, for one, have held back writing about certain subjects because of my concern for offending anyone. I sweated bullets the time when I wrote about smoking pot at a Rolling Stones concert over 20 years ago!!!

For all my bravado, I still have a strong drive to be accepted and one of the crowd. Yet, most my life, I have always been on the outside fringes of the crowd! Why is this, I wonder? I'm not a leader and not much of a joiner. I am attracted to the wild and devil may care type of personality, the risk takers. The ones who attract attention. The ones who are in trouble all the time.

The ones who live life and do not waste one moment. Except maybe when they are sitting in jail (hahah).

I was a rebellious child and as I grow older I still tend to be rebellious. I realize that I am a part of this wonderful community on AOL, that is so diverse and interesting. I marvel that I have been able to fit in!!

I always like the bad boys and the incorrigible girls.

And that is all I have to say about that.