Tuesday, October 26, 2004


I went to the hospital and stayed with my Dad till about 830pm. The doctor came in and briefed Mom and myself. They can not find out why he is having these episodes. On the CAT scans, the MRI's, the blood work, the urine tests, the Dopler (looking at his neck veins) all all inconclusive. Prehaps the technology is not sophisticated enough to detect the strokes he is experiencing. There is just no explanation at this point. Only a result of his increased and accelerated deterioration.

It is so sad. I am falling apart on the inside. People ask me how he is, and I have a litaney oth things...he is failing, he is almost 85, he is shutting down, he has dementia, his heart is very slow...and the doctors can tell us nothing and give us no hope.

We will take him home and then make some decisions. My Mother can not care for him on her own. My sister is adament to not place him in a nursing home. Yet, who looks after him when Mom needs a break? Not her, its me.

Who runs over to the house when Dad has slipped out of the chair, or she needs help of any sort...not her, its me.

I love my Dad. I am so ashamned of myself for not being able to handle this better.

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