Tuesday, August 30, 2005

What the hell am I doing?
I started the new job today and it just does not feel right. Maybe because I am just being trained to be in business for myself. I am okay with that. I think. I know I am a lazy unproductive butt. Maybe, this will be different.

I have my Pina Colada'a out...trying to unfreeze. I'll wash the dishes, vaccuum the floor and make the bed..do all those domestic things.

Maybe this will be it for me. I could have held out, but I think I may do well at this. Just beginners jitters.

Sunday, August 28, 2005

Vodka on a Sunday Afternoon

It is Sunday, isn't it? One of the wonderful things about not having to work is that you do not have to keep track of the days.

I do my best thinking (daydreaming) while driving a car. I have not been doing that much lately, so while I was sitting in the sun, reading a novel and sipping on some Apple Vodka and mixer I realized something. I use to do my best thinking while smoking the illegal drug...which I have not done for a long, long time now...so vodak seems to have stepped in and taken charge.

I have been smitten with the illusions of making some good money. If I take that job I will not be happy. I will not like it. I would like the money, for sure. But I would not like the job. I could do it, but I would feel like I was taking advantage of people because I know how to sell.

Selling is an art. I know that it is said good sales people are born...wrong. It is a science. All you need is confidance and a good product. Added to that, you need to be prepared and anticipate the "objections" or questions. It is a formula that goes like this "What I hear you saying is if I can do this, you will do that" It requires good listening skill and a good questioning techique. (open ended questions).

I should have called this Sales 101.

I am aided with vodka and a realization. I better get that last entry out of herebefore I get TOS'ed.

Tomorrow if I am offered the job....I hope I have my wits about me to turn it down and stop the dance of BIG MONEY in my head. I would hate it. Though, I would love it if they offer it to me. I am very competitive and hope I win out over those other applicants. But please, not enough to blurt out "yes" like I did the last time. I knew I did not want that job. I placed a of land mines to ensure I would not be offered that job. But no, they were stupid (did I say that out loud) and offerred it to me. And I was stupid ( capital S.) and took it.

Saturday, August 27, 2005

Interesting Week

I have been to Indianapolis and Detroit in the same week! On the way to Detroit, about 60 miles east we ran across two orchards! Hurray! An easy morning trip to Ohio. Also, discovered a beautiful lake area that appears very uncommericalized! That will be a day trip!

The Indianapolis interview was encouraging. The food service industry is very much like the beverage industry. Only, it seems as if a whole lot more money is to be made because you are neither given a car nor an allowance. That sucks in one way, but it enables them to encourage you to make as much money as you can with no ceilings!

The interview itself was same old same old. Tell us about yourself...What did you like most about your last job? Etc. Etc. Etc.

He did throw me a curve ball. "Tell me the funniest thing that has happened to you." I just began laughing as I pictured myself falling infront of the oncoming traffic in Newport Ky this spring when I was perfectly sober having given up the juice for Lent. But I thought that would be too long....and perhaps he wouldn't see the humor in me giving up alcohol.

So I told him another story. One day Art and I were traveling together and I was telling him about Joe getting a new motorcycle.

"What kind is it?" He asked

"A Cock Rocker", I replied. I meant to say a Crotch Rocket.

He and I were laughing so hard I had to pull over. Tears were rolling down our faces. Whenever Art sees Joe he asks, "How's that Cock Rocker?"

Wednesday, August 24, 2005

Back in the Saddle

All good things must end? This is the beginning of the third week of non-work. I can admit wholeheartedly that I have loved every minute of it. I did stress a little about the money, because I had no idea I was going to do it when I did..resign. So I was ill prepared with the funds. Yet, if I was going to wait until I was financially ready to do it, it never would have happened.

So now I am beginning the process of finding another job. I had my first interview yesterday with an insurance company. I was so at ease I could not believe this was me. At ease and unprepared! He asked me what I wanted to do, after I admitted to him I was clueless about the job description for which I had applied. "Sales Manager". Okay, that's cool. "Have you ever managed anyone before?"

I should have been prepared for this question. I said "no" when in actualilty, I have! At the ZZZ in Houston, I was the AM front desk manager! I had a whole staff that I got to boss around. At XYZ, I had Elaine who was my assistant. I got to boss her around to, thought I loved her dearly and she was my good friend. While working for ABC, I actually managed all the branch offices across central Ky and So. Ohio. I trained them and was responsible for their performance. What was I thinking when I said, "No."

He asked me what I was looking for. Hmmmmmm...to continue with a sales job. Because I love the competition, the feeling of closing the deal, and I just like people and the freedom that comes with sales.

What I would like is to find a sales position that pays extremely well, and has structure to it. I told him, when he asked about CCE not finding a place for me (a valuable employee) after seven years. I told him that I was strongly encouraged to apply for a position in Ft. Wayne (sometimes it is very difficult to explain XXX to outsiders. And sometimes I just take for granted outsiders understand the structure of XXX)but that I felt I could do better than a X0,000 a yr, a car and a X0,000 bonus.

And as I said it, I realized I believed it!

Today I go to Indianapolis for a meeting tomorrow with a Food distributor.

I think that I am in a position for the first time in my life that I will not have to take a job out of desperation. I will be able to find the one with the best fit.

Tuesday, August 23, 2005

Midsummer Nigh'st Run

The Hunky Brothers

Later that night the 21st annual Midsummer Night's Run was held in downtown Lexington. I could not believe my luck! First the Woodland Art Fair and now the biggest 5K race in Lexington. It is unusual to hold the race in the evening. It makes for a wonderful change to run down the streets in the dark.

I called Omega to find out if they were going. I have no idea why she has a cell phone, because I can never get her to answer it! So, I donned my running shorts, tied up my running shoes, slipped on my knee brace and I ready.

My mother took one look at the knee brace and handed me a bottle of.......gasp....Aspercreme!

"Aspercreme is your friend"...."Aspercreme is my new found Best Friend". Why has no one ever told me of this miraculous invention? I slathered it on and I was off.

A good estimate of the runners gathering in downtown would be around 5,000. My sister Omega's husband would be running, as he does every year. It is his only race and he trains for it. His brothers run it with him,along with their children in strollers or on foot, and an assortment of in-laws, which includes me! I began wandering around searching and thinking, "Now if I were the Hunky Brothers...where would I be?" Outside the Blue Martini Bar, naturally! But, I could not find them.(Yes, they were there! On the other side!)

I ambled up to the front of the crowd and just waited. I knew sooner or later I would catch sight of one of them, as one BIL is about 6-3. Finally success!!! There they are, hunky as ever.

It was a charmed day, nothing could go wrong. I knew I would find them.

The day had been a cruel 96 degrees, but as the evening rolled in, so did a temperature drop. So, I ran the first mile. Bad idea! Even though the temps were down, the humidy was a killer! I walked the last 2+ miles.

Afterwards I went over to one of the hunky brothers homes where my Phone averse sister was parked by the swimming pool. It was a nice time.

When I went home to Mom's house, I could not fall asleep. I had been up for almost 21 hours and still I was not one bit sleepy. The day had been so wonderful. Filled with family, friends and peaches. I was buzzing from the excitement that accompanies a race. I was happy to with Mom and Dad.

When a day is that perfect, it is sad to bring down the curtain.

Monday, August 22, 2005


Reed Valley Orchard

Mentally I made a list of all the things I wanted to cram into beautiful Saturday. First on the list, was a trip to Reed Valley Orchard because it is north of Lexington and easily navigated from the highway.

I decided to take a detour of sorts and exited onto Pike 36 and made the 25 mile trek through the hills and fields of central bluegrass. This is what my heart misses. The twisty roads that take you up to a crest where a breathtaking panoramic view of foothills, forests, fenced in fields, and the ripened golden yellow tobacco bases are laid out below you.

Where every field is fenced and the trees grace the side of the road, their heavy heads leaning towards each other crating a canopy of soft green dancing light as you travel under. The wildflowers are in full bloom despite the extremely dry and hot summer. I see the purple iron weed, the white Queen Anne lace, and my favorite, the blue chicory, which is everywhere. I am home.

Reeds Orchard was packed on a late Saturday morning. I went around the store in search of the absolute best Hot Red pepper jelly in the world! And suddenly, there it was, hidden on a shelf, pushed to the back. (I realize it does not sound appetizing, but on a cracker with cream cheese.....heaven.) When I finally made it to the counter I asked the clerk if she had anymore than the two jars on the shelf. I bought every jar she had in the back. And two pecks of peaches, please.

They only had the half-pecks out. So she asked me to be patient, she would get my peaches from the back.

Then a huge crowd hit! I wandered outside and enjoyed the hot 96 degree tempetures and the expansive apple tree orchard. People kept coming and coming. Buying ice cream, picking their own peaches, buying half-pecks.

I stand to the back and wait....and wait...and wait...and wait. She is very apologetic and finally gets the owner to bring out the full pecks for me. Everyone tells me how sorry they are.

Big Deal. I have my peaches. I have my Hot Red Pepper Jelly.

"I gave you a discount", she whispered to me. A pretty hefty discount! She knocked off ten bucks!!!

Patience is a virtue......and will get you a discount!
Woodland Art Fair


I could not have picked a more perfect weekend to visit home! I had realized earlier in the day that the annual Woodland Arts Fair was taking place in Lexington. I could not wait to go. In other words, there was some money burying a hole in my pocket!

Woodland is named in the top 50 Art Fairs in the country! And with good reason. Every booth in the Park is first class. Not one single trash and trinket vendor is allowed. They are banished to the streets and front yards surrounding the Park. This also means, some very high end and expensive treasures.

I'm like a kid in a candy shop. I have to wander around and look at everything first. I am mainly interested in photographs. I spend a lot of time in James Archambeault's "gallery". He is a famous and respected photographer specializing in landscapes. In particular, Kentucky landscapes. I am taken with the Thoroughbred photographs, in particular a magnificant Secretariat prancing in the waning light! I decided to continue to look around before making any purchases.

Then I stumbled on Wiwat. Scientist and Artist. I had first discovered him at an Art Fair in Louisville, the Cherokee Triangle Art Fair. At that time, he had the most delicate earrings he designed with tiny polished pastel colored beads. Exquisite. At that time I had purchased a pair and went home and unfortunately left them in the small brown paper bag, wrapped in white tissue paper. Joe tossed them away! I was stricken and remembered his card was in my purse and emailed him. He was gracious enough to help me replace the discarded pair with not one......but 10 pairs of his beautiful creations.

"Are you the Scientist from Oak Ridge?" I asked him. He nodded yes. "Well, I am Mary! I met you at the Cherokee Triangle in Louisville, I emailed you after my husband tossed away the bag!" He remembered, how could he not!

I purchased five sets this time. His creations have developed into more intricate designs with different mediums. Still gorgeous stuff.

And, I got the "best customer in Kentucky' discount!

Sunday, August 21, 2005

One Perfect Day.

August 20, 2005. I awoke and found my decrepit knee was no longer hurting! Well, just a little, but it was amazing. Nothing short of a miracle. That was the beginning of the most perfect day I have had in a long long time. In fact, I can not remember ever having a day like this one ever before.

I decided I needed to go in search of the Perfect Peach. Much to my dismay and disappointment, there are no Peach Orchards in this neck of the woods. I had been rolling around in my mind the thought that I should go home....to visit my Mom and Dad. No better time than now, considering the Peach deprivation.

I headed South early Saturday morning clueless that this was going to be one of the best days of my life!

It was like a child's game, the one that has little holes under a plastic dome and the objective is get all these little metal balls into the holes all at the same time. Life is never life that. So rarely is everything all in place at one time. When it occurs, it is magic. I think the trick may be to realize it is happening when it happens.

I was in search of the perfect peach! I was headed to the only orchard in Kentucky where I knew the perfect peach would exist, if it could. My knee felt great, I had my new favorite CD's blaring, the sun was shining.

While cruising to Ashley MacIsaac I decide to bite the bullet. I call the automatic teller at my bank to check on funds. Much to my astonishment, I was paid for the entire month! (hard to believe, but my ex-company pays the salaried employees once a month, on or about the 20th).

Maybe its a mistake! I don't care. I'm going to spent that money (and move it as fast as I can in case they realize their mistake). Or maybe after seven and one half years they thought, just maybe, I deserved it.

What a great day and it is only 8am!!!

Saturday, August 20, 2005

Where have all the peaches gone?

I am headed home to Kentucky in a few minutes because I can not find an operating orchard in this neck of the woods!!!! I got online and found that the closest peach orchard is in Southern Indiana or in Michigan. If I'm going to have to travel.....

The Woodland Art Fair is this week end in Lexington! I think I missed it last year for some reason. Good, I can go spend some money I am not earning any more! I just love collecting photographs. Really good artistic photographs!

Since I have two interviews this coming week I need to purchase a nice summer professional outfit to wow them over with. I spruced up my wardrobe in Old Navy for my last job, which consisted of me doing lots of labor intensive things. Hurray for Womens Lib!! And thank God for Old Navy. But I am seriously lacking in business clothes at the moment. Any excuse to shop. And I can't shop here yet! I need a very expensive outfit (hahahahah) and I have this terrific consignment shop in Lexington that never disappoints.

And, if I am lucky, tonight may be the Mid Summer Nights Run! Not that I can run, but today, as if a miracle occurred last night while I slept....my knee feels healed this morning! I'll walk it if it is on.

And last but not least is the main reason for going...PEACHES! I love juicy ripe organic style peaches one gets at Reeds Orchard in Cynthiana. They also have a special recipe Red Pepper Jelly to die for. I have been thinking about that jelly since I finished off my last jar in December 2004.

Friday, August 19, 2005

Guess who is Guest Editor this week!!!! ME!!! Mary in charge! Fasten your seat belts, it's going to be a bumpy ride.

It appears my curse for the past several months has been this...if it appears easy, it is not!! I have so many favorite journals that I read, to pick out only a handful was extremely difficult. Yet, I persevered and narrowed it down to several journals that I believe have not been featured as of yet.

In no particular order..............

A Spiritual Journey by Michael. How did I find this journal? I don't know, but I love it. Michael is telling his story in such a fascinating fashion that I am going to use his words to describe it."The journal chronologically documents my life, which has been rather exciting, and at times, pretty dark...and my musical journey...which is ongoing. It includes my gigs with bands like AC/DC, Buddy Guy, Rick Derringer, and many, many others". He is very gifted and I wait with anticipation for each new entry.

One-Way Passage. What can I say about Jon that does not sound like I am gushing on and on! He is a multi faceted individual who is a fabulous writer. Okay, I'm going to gush. He is interesting, smart, witty, funny, good looking and man oh man, can this guy write. His observations and comments range from the events in the Walmart parking lot to his poignant entries about his family.

A Pennies Worth written by Penny, in my opinion, is one of the best journals in AOL- Journal land. She is blond and proud! I stumbled on Penny's journal sometime ago and to date, each one of her entries has been filled with wisdom, humor, compassion and something magical. She is one of bravest woman I have had the honor to read.

Coming to Terms with Middle Age by Lisa. Now this is one smart lady! Her entries can leave you thinking for days. Lisa and I began our journals around the same time and I do not think I have missed a single one of her entries. I can't say enough nice things about her.

Lotus Martinis by Gigi. This journal just has to be experienced. It defies description! Gigi is full of "it". The AOL-Journal IT girl if ever there is one! Another gifted writer!

Hey, I see a pattern forming here!

The above journals have been my Friends for a long time. As our Journal community approaches its second birthday and continues to grow one can not help but remember how it was in the beginning. When the community spirit was born. There are lots of new journals that are worthy of attention and yet it is difficult to find them. Here are two that I recently ran across and find very enjoyable.

Mark's Daily Journal by Mark (gasp!!). A truly sensitive and nice man, Mark is a wonderful artist and shares his talent with us. Lucky us.

CeeGee at Large by Cyndy. Very new and very entertaining! This girl is gif crazy! I'm certain that this is the beginning of a beautiful friendship.

And last, a non-AOL journal that I love. Super Hero Journal by Andrea. A truly inspiring journal with a very talented young woman who is a writer, a creative jewelry designer, a wonderful photographer and a terrific person. Her entries are works of art.

Trust me.

Tuesday, August 16, 2005

Why am I here?

Have nothing of any interest to say. Other than, I have applied for an Advertising Account position at a publishing outfit called Our Sunday Visitor, which is all about selling advertising, holy cards, etc. to the millions and millions of Catholic Church's out there.

I think I would love it. Advertising has been rolling around in my brain ever since I interviewed with that the radio station on May 13....my anniversary, and the closing on the house. I thought I had a good interview, until I could not remember my telephone number. I was very disappointed she did not call me. I really thought I nailed that interview.

No one from CCE has returned my calls regarding my problem with applying to the open CDAM position in Ft. Payne. Maybe it is a sign.

I went to the Catholic church in New Haven and prayed this morning. I think that God knows I turn to him and ask for help in my times of crisis. He always helps me out. I prayed for all the people I know too. So much going on in J-land, death and sickness. I almost feel like I really know these people, even though I have never met them. They have been more supportive to me with this move and the problems I have been having than my real life warm blooded pals in Lex. I have not heard from any of them, with the exception of Mike. Sad but true.

I went walking again this morning. I feel that I need to give my knee a break and not run for awhile. It makes me very sad to think that I may never be able to run again because I allowed myself to become so fat that I hurt myself! Rats. I did take my camera and headed in the golf course direction because people were walking dogs in the opposite direction. The opposite direction is the better direction. I took some very crummy shots of flowers and weeds. I need to read the manual for my Minolta.

Today I really shall plant the flowers and paint the front porch...finish it up. I want to find a pawn shop and see it I can find a Nikon-F.

I would love that.

Its 9am...day is awasting.

Monday, August 15, 2005

I guess I will be spending more time in this blog than Alpha. It is safer to write about my immerging self. The immerging fear of being without a job and the delightful knowledge that I do not have to get up and trudge off to a job.

Today, so far, I have tied up the tomato plants. They have needed it for quite a long time. About two weeks ago I did a slip-shod job of it and the plants are heavy with fruit. I planted them very late in the season, about six weeks after I normally put them into the ground. The tomatoes are just beginning to redden...and yellow, as I have four bushes of those small pear shaped no-acid tomatoes I love to mix up with pasta and olive oil.

I have also signed up for a photography class. Black and White and color! Meaning we do pastel shades to the completed prints. I finally get to have some dark room experience! It begins Sept. 1st.

At the beginning of the summer I wrote to Superstar about my goals and dreams for the summer. Taking a photo class was one of them, so I guess it is now happening! One of the others was planning a trip to Italy. Guess with the lack of my income, that will be on hold for the time being.

I am getting ready to go the Walkway outside of New Haven and try to run/walk. I have been out there several times since resigning last Wednesday. Last night I woke up in the middle of the night with my knee hurting. I guess my running may be a thing of the past. Going to the Doctor may be on the agenda in the next several days.

I finished The Mermaid Chair. Did not enjoy it as much as I did The Secret Lives of Bees, but I enjoyed it nonetheless. I plan to go to the library after walking and checking out the Time Travelers wife.

All this, before eight o'clock.

Well, not the walking, but the rest.

Maybe being unemployed agrees with me. I need the time to decompress and regain my confidence. There is an opening in Ft. Wayne for a CDAM. I will apply later this morning, after my walk, after my checking out a book, after I plant my mums, after I finish to paint the porch......

Thursday, August 11, 2005

Freedom's just another word for nothing left to lose.

I resigned from my job. After seven and a half years with the same company, I am now unemployed. I could not take it one minute longer at that Hell Hole of a Sales center. I tried my best, realized my weaknesses, began to read the Seven Habits of Highly Successful People and incorporate them into my work day. I got up earlier, worked harder, stayed later, did everything possible I could to "get it" but missed the mark.

I would come home at night and feel like I had been physically beat up. The constant negative feed back was eating me alive. Sucking the life out of me.

I do not feel anything anymore. No joy, no anticipation, no happiness, no interests, no humor, no exuberance, nothing. Just dread and sadness.

When I felt like I would rather eat Rat Poison than return I knew it was time to call Human resources and explore my options.

Being able to resign effective immediately was an option. The Labor relation guy told me they had gotten along without me before I arrived, they could cover the territory with me gone.

I never felt right in that position. The shoes! I dressed like a man rather that the sexy hot Mama I am. I felt like I had left working the front office and landed in the basement.

I still am in shock. My self confidence is in shambles. I am numb. I am going to take some time to heal from this horrible, dreadful, overwhelmingly awful experience. I think I will burn those shoes in effigy

Sunday, August 07, 2005

Top Ten Reasons Why the Irish Festival is Sooooooo much Fun!

#10 The Irish Dog Exhibit

Last year my sister and I traveled to the Dublin Irish Festival in Ohio and had such a great, wonderful, unforgettable experience we returned this weekend for the 2005 festival. My other sister, Kit, came along too. As did numerous other family members like husbands and kids.

Last year Omega fell in love with the Irish Terrier. They are wonderful with children, are rather small, and do not shed! She was thrilled when she realized this was the same dog from last year!He had a haircut and was show ready!

Kit would have purchased one of the Glen-of-imaal-terrier puppies that were at the Dog Exhibit but they were already spoken for. You would not believe the asking price!!! There are only 25 breeders in the United States.

I have to admit, this is one cute puppy. I exhaled a little sigh of relief myself....

Monday, August 01, 2005


You can't go home again.

This past Saturday afternoon I drove home to Kentucky. I left Ft. Wayne at 4pm and Sunday afternoon around the same time I was headed back.

Twenty-four hours was all I needed. Twenty-four hours was all it took. I feel so much better. The cloud has lifted, at least for the time being.

As I was nearing the bridge on I-65 that spans the Ohio River, I could see Louisville begin to spread before me. My heart began to swell, my chest became tight and yes I began to cry. I was home.

I wandered up and down Bardstown Rd. in the Highland area trying to capture "night pictures" with my camera while waiting on my daughter. They are a disaster! The manual suggested a tripod! HA! Now that I know it can be done, I just need to know how to do it. The Highland area is so alive with people, entertainment, pubs, book stores, skate shops, restaurants, esoteric shops every where you look. Thriving and colorful, bursting with excitement! I just wish I could have captured its essence with the camera. Next time, when I am more practiced.

After visiting with family for all to brief a time, I was headed home. The route this time was through Cincinnati!

Hello Trader Joe's!!!! I spent a small fortune in there. Do I really need Trader Joe's Toaster Sesame Oil? Or Thai Red Curry? Trader Giotto's Artichoke Antipasto? Yes..yes...YES!!! It is so much fun to shop there.

This is how I do it. Cafe Twists Chocolate Chip $2.49, "That's 3/4 of a pack of cigarettes that I do not smoke any longer" as I toss it into the cart.

James Keller & Son Dundee Orange Marmalade $3.49, "That's a pack of cigarettes I don't smoke anymore." Toss it into the cart with the honey peanut butter (2/3 pack) and the chocolate covered cherries (two packs).

It is said, "You can't go home again." I say, "The hell you can't".