My dreams have been multi-faceted, richly textured, incredibly entertaining, all in living color as of late. My mother is young and handing my younger sister (who is a baby of about two) a Pez candy dispenser in the form of Bozo the Clown. My father, also young, is smiling from a passing car. There is my old grammar school friend, Flea, running down a dark street that is pocked with spectacular glass shards as he calls to me to wait for him. I run on pain free knees. I run very fast! I am weaving my way through a bistro, people gathered and laughing, waving interesting cocktails in shades of chartreuse and ruby. I carry a shopping bag. My cell rings and I step out onto a back patio to answer and enter a zoo with swimming dinosaurs and toothy snakes!
I awake, feeling the comfort of my hot-dog bun mattress bed, with my three legged cat lifting his head to gaze lovingly and beseechingly at me (because he knows its about chow time) and I think....
I finally understand! Mid-life crisis!
Since I can put a name on it everything falls into place. Only, I am well past mid-life! So, it's post mid-life crisis. Autumn of my life crisis. Maybe I can accept the condition I find myself in, the circumstances so appalling and so embarrassing...maybe it's time I just close my mind to the "what-ifs" and the "I should haves" to the peace of just being where I am and not fighting it.