Or Do You Consider me Neurotic?
Even under the most dire circumstances I generally am able to fall asleep. Sometimes a rosary helps, other times just going to my happy places does the trick. I drift off while laying on the beaches of the Caribbean with a fruity drink in hand and the sun on my face. When I was a kid I use to make up fictional stories with myself as the heroine. These are the lullaby's of my falling asleep ritual.
As of late I have not slept well. Tossing and turning, knocking the cat around. I wake up to glance at the clock to see how much time I have left to writhe around in the sheets.
What is laying heavy on my mind is the anticipation of having house guests. Horrors.
A year ago I totally went through everything I owned and practically got rid of it. What was left over was a big screen tv, the sectional couch, two small end table and the number bed. Books, cut drastically, keeping only the travel books, the Civil War boobs, the Girl Private Eye collection, garden books and cook books. The books from my childhood and Bridget's I drag around with me. They are piled in my bedroom in the wall storage shelves looking like a Woody Allen movie. My precious prints adorn the wall and my unframed prints stare accusingly at me from their perches in boxes of "junk" that I can not and will not throw away. Don't tempt me to go into a description of my junk! Suffice it to say that I still have my First Holy Communion book and all the Holy Cards I ever received.
My husband just shakes his head at my stuff. He once asked me if I ever entertained the idea that I might be a hoarder? I responded by getting rid of so much!! It makes me sick to think of the pile of household items I could not get Salvation Army to come pick up. The fact that I lived across the Tennessee border elicited a response that they would not cross over! Even with the temptation of a $1800 elliptical machine would not get them to cross the two miles into the Bluegrass to my door!
I even cleaned out my leased storage area. I think I was suppose to feel relived and a sense of freedom was to be ushered in?
A year later and I fret that I have no kitchen table and no guest room.
I am ashamed of my little 800 foot square (if even that) dark Man Cave apartment. The only light shines into the kitchen.
So I toss and turn wishing I was back in my beautiful sun kissed airy ceiling fanned house in Jeff!!
I guess I am worried of judging myself. When you reach this age and this place in life you should not be living in a man Cave. I want to say, "I made this choice because it was going to save us about $18,000 over the two (maybe more) years we stay here.
Oh well, there I have said it.