Wednesday, August 09, 2006


I should know better than to rant and rave about my host town and I apologize if I have offended anyone.

I am tempted to remove the entry, but I thought that would be a little cowardly on my part on top of being such an ass. So, I'm going to leave it intact and just watch my p's and q's when I drive around here.

I was warned about flagrant disrespect for the traffic laws. I guess I felt invincible. I felt I would not get caught speeding or going through yellow lights. I guess I just cracked when it happened. I've received tickets before and kept my cool. The last being when I turned right on red on the University of KY campus and was immediately pulled over. "I do that all the time"...I'm sure the cop would have loved to have given me 823 tickets for all my prior offenses...."When did they put that sign up there???".

That one cost me $70.

I heard through the grape vine this ticket is going to cost me near $300.

That is why I went batty.

Lets counter with all the reasons I love Ft. Wayne........

1) You can see hundreds of miles in any direction.

2) You are two hours away from many major cities, Indy, Dayton, Columbus to name a few. Three hours from Detroit, Chicago, Cincy.

3) People keep their yards neat. They also keep their cars parked pointed in the proper direction on the street. (that one cost us $10 to learn!...)

4) They endeavor diligently to keep children out of liquor stores. So you can not buy a cold pop in there. They endeavor diligently to keep alcoholics out of grocery stores. So you can not purchase cold beer in there.

5) We live very close to Ohio, about 20 minutes away so in case you forgot to purchase beer on Saturday night for the Sunday games, cook-out, or having friends over, its a quick jaunt to Ohio. No beer sales in town on Sunday.

6) We have a university but no football team. That is good because then you can root for Notre Dame and not feel like a traitor.

7) The expressways do not come through town. Therefore you do not have to deal with all that transient traffic!!

8) There is always a handy excuse for not being on work on time. Its either the train caught you or the road construction caused a massive delay.

9) Did I mention you can see for miles?

10) There are no landmarks other than the tall building downtown. So, if you are ever lost you can simply stop your car, stand on the hood and scout for that building!!

I don't think I am full of hate. I think I am full of homesickness for the familiar and the comforts of what I love. I know with all my heart that if I had been born and bred here I would feel differently. I would know people, have a history, know where to go, have a handle on the cool places, enjoy life with my long time friends and family members. I'd love and cherish it too.

Someone moving into Lexington would find it a town of Hillbillys and Rednecks. Everyone driving too fast and flagrantly disobeying the traffic laws! And more than likely anyone from Up North would not understand one word of the southern sing song cadence.

Someone accused Joe of talking Hillbonics the other day!

Hillbonics....Now that's rich!


fairplaybeach said...

According to the book "The Way of the Superior Man", "A man (in this case, a "city") should hear a woman's complaints like warning bells, and then do his best to align his life with his truth and purpose. However, if he believes in the literal content of her complaint, he will immediately go off course, for the content reflects her present mood more than a careful observation of his tendencies over time."

I hope it was ok to link you initially... Surprise! They're actually reading... (I just like to look at pictures myself).

CoffeeBigPlz said...

Actual new blog:

Mary you are rich! keep the humor.

My favorite about the Fort is the "Trash Can Dodge" our trash is picked up in the alley. So in its mighty flatness, when it is windy here... it IS windy right? so I navigate the alley carefully trying not to hit the trash cans as they roll across.

Thank God for the new Big VIRTUALLY Untippable City Trash cans!

Keep it up!

CoffeeBigPlz said...

Oh you can not buy a car in Indiana on Sunday either

fairplaybeach said...

Of course, the same book advocates men control their ejacualtions so my final conclusion is that you should be forcibly ejected (not ejaculated) out of this city...

Actually, I wrote a song about Decatur sometime after high school called "Decatur Sux" but I never released it on any of my albums, platinum sellling or non-platinum selling, so hardly anyone ever heard it.

Robbie said...

I don't think you should apologize for a thing. Your experience is your experience. This blog is about you. If someone takes it personally then they have issues and are perhaps narcissitic (sp?) to think that you are writing about them.

But, yeah, if the place is making you miserable see what you can do to be happier. Life is too short to live it miserable. However, sometimes that means a change of attitude, not location.

Lisa :-] said...

Is your tongue firmly planted in your cheek here? LOL!

You may never learn to love Ft. Wayne, but you can learn not to hate it...

Anonymous said...

Yep...your fault.