Monday, July 25, 2005


Be forewarned, this is going to ramble. I am at a cross roads in my life and I know what I am going to do, I'm not certain it is the right thing, because it seems the easy way out. Doing the right thing usually hurts and requires a lot more integrity, stamina and character than I have right now.

I raised my voice to my boss today. Wrong thing to do. What was I thinking. Do I have a death wish? Did I crack? It was as if I slapped him! I won't go into all the horrid details, but I have had enough. I told him I felt I was in a hostile envioronment. He repeated the same questions over and over I thought I was going to pass out, I finally asked if we needed an arbrator.

I candidly told him ( because I felt bad making him think he was the total cause for my feelings of being an outsider, never to be admitted to the club) that when I interviewed for the job, I realized I did not want it. That it was a total shock to me when it was offered to me. I accepted because of the money.

I'm working at a job I hate because it pays me exceptionaly well. And I have a car. And terrific benefits etc. etc. etc. Yet, I am totally unhappy.

I was going to make a list of the Pro's and Con's as to stay with the job or quit. Quit. I am so ashamned of the word applied to me. As I drove home my biggest thought was, "I hope the Con list is longer." That told me right there that I was going to give my resignation.

This job and me are not a good fit. I loved what I did before, albeit I was bored to tears, I still loved it. I hate this job. H A T E.

The only good thing (besides the money) is Deep Throat. I hate to let him down.

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