Thursday, June 04, 2009

Evil is as Evil does

Yesterday I jumped into a car and made the three plus hour trip back to Central Kentucky for my step daughters graduation. I thought I would be home in plenty of time to think of something and then write about that something.

All I could think about was this. At 330pm yesterday I was unaware that my there was a graduation to attend. And all the way home (as I was out filling out employment applications and the such) I was upset and wrestled with knowing I was going to face either going on the unexpected trip or begging off. Going would be .... not only accepting that I was and always will be on the outside of my stepdaughters life...but rolling with what ever is thrown at me concerning my step daughter. By not going well, I just can't go there.

We arrived home earlier this afternoon and here I sit with nothing. I have nothing but a bag of resentment that simmers and can not under any circumstance boil over.

We have been together for 12 years and yet I am always on the outside. Some think I choose to pitch my tent here but the truth is that some stepmothers will always be the Evil Step Mother no matter what.

I wish I dared discuss it here.


Donna said...

It's tough... no, almost impossible... to squelch those old resentments.

Mine may not be anything like yours, but they lie here below the surface.

*debbi* said...

Oh, Mary, I'm so sorry. My daughter was so prickly through adolescence that when she wanted to go back East to college (thousands of miles away), I worked hard to make it happen for her because I knew we needed to separate, though I shed so many tears through four years. Many, many times I had to remind myself that I was the grown-up in the relationship (although there certainly were times when I was not). She is now 26 and even though she can still get prickly with me, she says 'love you' every time we hang up the phone. At least this young woman is your stepdaughter and not your daughter. I am reminded of Anne Lamott (if you don't know her, she writes so beautifully, honestly, and humorously on faith, Jesus, grace, and so on--you would love her) when she wrote that she's not one of those forgiving Christians. Hopefully, there is someplace you can write about this or someone you can discuss it with.
P.S. You are definitely not evil!

Cynthia said...

Just hang in there. I wish this was better for you.

Anonymous said...

I fear I head in the evil step mom direction. I am getting remarried in Oct. He has two, I have two. The daughter is old enough that I dont really feel that with her but I do with his son and I usually win over the males with no problem. I hope I can get "over" this feeling.

Karen said...

It took my step-daughter until she was 26 to like me. Now that she is 34, she might even love me. She has related to me that she knew she was a bitch to me when she was growing up, and has acknowledged all the things I did for her during that time. It was a very sweet song when she sang it. Your time will come, maybe not for many more years, but it will come.

Nelle said...

I am going to send you an email on this entry. Private stuff I want to share. I am sorry that she does not appreciate you and grateful that you have a daughter who does.

Indigo said...

I recognize these feelings. Mine isn't so much the stepdaughter as trying to fill the shoes of the deceased wife with the widow. Am I resentful. At first...then I realized either it's acceptable to be who I am and not the shadow of someone else. Does it cause problems - all the fricking time.
I'm sorry you have to deal with being on the outside. I think after 12 years there should of been some more give than take on the other side of the equation. (Hugs)Indigo