Tuesday, November 07, 2006

What Women Really Want

The questions that has been asked for centuries if not millenniums, "What do women really want?"

I believe I found the answer quite by accident while in the office. It is really so simple! Women want a good man, one they can laugh about when comparing stories with other women.

This is how it happened! My office "in the back" is very tiny. Just large enough to squeeze in four desks, two cabinet files, and a fax machine. Oh, and the four of us. Three very good looking men, and me.

At various times I am concerned that I am going to "cut the cheese". Ever since that first time, when I knew I was in peril of humiliating myself in front of them, I have used extreme caution with what I put in my mouth during the day so I do not shame myself that last hour in our cage.

It was the Indian Corn that did me in. Who would have thought that this particular brand would not agree with me. I suffered. I would jump up and run into the rest room and then return.

I was home free until.........

God, was I humiliated! To the guys credit, they ignored me. Though, deep in their hearts I'm certain they wanted to fall on the floor laughing. Because they are guys.

Red faced I went to the "front office" where all the woman are (they secretly run the entire business from there!!)I told them what had happened and how embarrassed I was and how I could not go back there.

"Oh for God's sake", B. the office manager cried out.

"None of them would be embarrassed! They love to cut farts!! This is my husband."

And she lifts up her leg, scrunches her face up and says, "PPPPPPPLLLLLLLPPPPPPPPLLLLLLLLLLLLL.......aaaahhhhhhhhhhhh"

Then C., the receptionist says, "This is F." And lifts her butt off the chair and sticks it high up and out, "PPPPPPPPPLLLLLLLLLLLLPPPPPPPPPP........ahhhhhhhhh."

The the other C., Administrative Asst., runs from around her desk and sticks her butt straight out, bent over hands on knees, "PPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPLLLLLLLLLLLPPPPPPPPPPPPPP.... oh baby! That's how teenage boys do it!"

We are laughing hysterically now, tears rolling down our faces sticking out butts out and going, "PPPPPPPPPHHHHHHHHHHHTTTTTTTT".

Then our boss comes out of his office and just looks at us.

We can't stop laughing.

"Ya'll worse than men," he comments and then returns into his office.

Yes, that's the key to this age old question.

Give us women something to laugh about!


Cynthia said...

Love it!

Lisa :-] said...

Having been married thirty years to a perpetual adolescent (at least when it comes to flatulence) I had better e able to give as good as I get. Farts are funny! And it's even funnier when people try to ignore them...

Paul said...

Ha! My ex used to go up to bed early to watch that women's channel. By the time I got up there, the air was so thick with methane that everything was blurry. If I'd lit a a match, the room would've exploded.

3 Republican congressmen ousted! I love Indiana!

Nelle said...

My mother always thought that farting in front of another human was the lowest you could go. Ha! One day one of my bosses, a very refined woman was laughing hysterical when all of a sudden boom! She turned bright red and said "Excuse me". I looked at her and said "Gas is a natural body function , nothing to be embarassed about." She was grateful. Hmmm candy corn......who'd have thought? My neighbor got bags for 39 cents each and dropped four off last night. Guess I shouldn't induldge on work days! LOL

Barb said...

Oh wow.. thanks for the laugh!!!

Anonymous said...

I have to admit that farting still gives me that same spark as when I was a wee little boy. But imagining a group of grown women fake farting is also pretty hilarious.