Sunday, March 01, 2009

March Comes In Like a Lion

I’ve been reading journals about love. Newly wed bliss that makes me chuckle. A little glimpse of pillow talk, a tiny slice of verbal volley ball coated in sticky honey sauce…makes me roll my eyes and think, just you wait, THIS is what is in store for you.

On a recent trip to a tourist attraction about an hour and a half away I offered to drive the last leg back home after gassing up. He gratefully accepted settling down in the passenger seat, and putting his hand on the lever to allow the seat to fall back in full nap mode. My cell phone rang as I put it in reverse and began to back up answering the phone and begin talking to my daughter.

“WATCH OUT FOR THAT TRUCK” he barked at me as a huge semi truck began to slide into the gassing area beside us obviously getting ready to stop. Yet, his abrupt instructions caught me off guard so I had to quickly end my call with a “I’ll call you later” and just snapped the phone shut.

I avoided sudden imminent death by putting the car into drive to go around the back of the store, totally avoiding the semi (which did stop under the awning) and as I began to drive I heard this,

Where are you going?”

I just gave him a side glance as I glided towards the entrance/exit and accidently hit the brakes too hard because it is a brand new car and I am not use to brakes that tight as mine are slightly soft, so we both jerked against the dash board. He jerked a little too dramatically and began to complain again, “What are you doing?? Have you ever driven before??”

I tried to ignore this remark by giving him yet another stink eye, I looked both ways before making a left out of the parking lot to merge into traffic. There was a car heading in our direction from the West so I waited for it to pass so I could cross traffic and head West.

Are you ever going to pull out?”

I could control it no longer! I even began to laugh about how ridiculous and bizarre this was becoming. In 45 seconds he had completely unnerved me, unintentionally. As soon as I allowed the car to pass I pulled out , right in front of another car (I knew I could make it!) and laid some rubber.

I think he thought I was a maniac and began to yell (actually yell) “PULL OVER PULL OVER PULL OVER” and I knew better to fight it or to continue on, so I pulled over and we exchanged seats.

The universe was back in alignment, the planets resumed their orbit.

“You are the worst driver!” he sneered as he pulled out into traffic.

That is what those star crossed lovers have to look forward to.

(This is one of those crazy games we continue to play and replay and then laugh about it later)

8 comments:

Coy said...

Well you did get a little chuckle from me, thanks for sharing.
*** Coy ***

Nelle said...

I did get a good laugh today. My husband was a very laid back driver from New England. When we met I advised him he should drive through NY to get here. He was nervous and then I showed him how to do it. He looked absolutely terrified and informed me that the crucifix now had Jesus wearing a blindfold when we stopped and I pryed his hands off the armrest to use the bathrooms and get some tea. He has now insisted he take over the majority of driving. I am constantly making suggestions which result in some frustrated noises. Funny because it's the only area we feel tension in.....well that and figuring out who gets to watch the BIG TV vs. the bedroom TV..and then there's the proper water temperature for laundry so my cotton items don't shrink........but he is a keeper :)

Lisa :-] said...

Laugh? I would have left him standing on the side of the road and driven away...

Lulu LaBonne said...

Ouch - I recognise a lot of that ...your version made me laugh at lot more than when the same stuff's going on in my car

MeadowLark said...

Married to a cop. Off-duty driving is the same as on-duty... hard braking and fast acceleration. And eyes constantly scanning the sides of the road rather than, say, THE STREET IN FRONT OF US!!!

Yikes.

Chris said...

Alexis is the back seat driver (although she's up front) in our relationship. It so gets on my nerves that I don't even want to drive with her in the car anymore. I haven't had a wreck I caused in 10-15 years, I haven't had any tickets, I'm a careful driver. But she has to tell me that car is breaking or watch out for this truck.

Far Side of Fifty said...

LOL some men are so fussy about women driving! Great story! :)

Lori said...

LOL We have SO been there! Ah, yes, to be in love (and married for years, and years, and years, and years, . . .)