Friday, May 22, 2009

Rolling with the Hoity Toity

The remnants of yesterday haunt me this morning. I have an odd feeling that teeters on despondence. My shoulders are slumped, there is a heavy feeling on my chest. I truly dislike feeling so defeated.

I dropped off an employment application and a resume yesterday. I was not prepared for an impromptu interview. I was wearing the most unflattering outfit. As a matter of fact, I have no business type or "make a great first impression" type clothing for the summer months! And if I do, I no longer fit in them and have probably slipped them into the Goodwill bags I dropped off last month. I'm positive I did. The bright spring blazers .... what was I thinking!!

So, the manager of the retail jewelry store is a beautiful amazon who emerged from the repair section of the store clad in a skin tight black sheath and spike heels. She looked over my resume and application....really looked it over and glancing up at me says, "What have you been doing for two years??"

I should be prepared to answer this question and sometimes I am but I was so caught off guard, wearing the wrinkled white linen pants that I survived Hurricane Wilma in and a skin tight red T with a gossamer blouse over the T to hide my rolls of fat.

I blinked and said, "Farting around...."

She resumed reading and then asked,"Like vending machines..." I nodded. "If I were a club, how would you sell in your beverage?" (I worked for a major beverage corporation in another life, so it seems).

"A Club? Well, you wouldn't want a vending machine, you would need bag in the box."

"Not a club...", (oh boy, I thought) "...but a club that sells video games."

(oh that sort of club, I though to myself) I began to get nervous, how did I do it? It was then that my mind began spinning at a rapid speed trying to find the words to tell her that I did not do that type of selling, that I did business to business sales and would be prepared with a list of questions, several testimonies and more than likely their business was a chain that already had our product...

...but she wanted me to do the old, "Sell me this pencil...."

Shit.

I stumbled through something that sucked.

Could I pass a back ground check?

I couldn't get out of there fast enough.

Guess what, my husband informs me that we are going to a dinner in two hours! Shit again. I laid on the couch and fell into a hazy semi-consciousness with dancing soda bottles performing the can-can across the living room floor.

At the bottom one of the bags that did not make it to Goodwill I find my old Charo outfit. I slip it on and because of the style and the outrageous colors, it actually makes me look slimmer and it definitely makes me feel better.

Off to meet the Sheriff, the Mayor and one of the Board of Directors of Joe's company at a fancy dinner party on the River.

The wine was flowing and I did feel better.


(May 21 with spy camera)

5 comments:

Nelle said...

I found some interview and resume' help on Monster.com a few years back. I found they pretty much ask the same questions.

Chris said...

Now I am going to laugh my butt off if you get that job anyway, because isn't that the way it usually pans out?

If not, I'm sure the next interview will go better!

Robbie said...

Yeah for feeling better! You know sometimes those screwy interviews are the very ones that get landed.

Cynthia said...

Job hunting ought to be one of the rings of hell, one of the upper, could be a lot worse rings, but still definitely in hell. You (and I) will both find something that won't destroy our souls. I'm glad your evening ended better than your day. Amazing how a little wine can help.

bb mcclain said...

Oh you poor thing. I've been in those situations before. They make you feel so inept and ill-prepared.