Sunday, September 25, 2005

Ferris Wheel

Names have been changed to protect the guilty

This is the way I remember it. I was riding on the truck with John. We were haveing a conversation about him being a Dead Head and other such things. The drug test came up and he asked me if I studied for the drug test. I thought that was hilarious! But, I have ended up having to study for the test twice since then!

The first summer I worked for XXX, F. and I were working the Bluegrass Fair. The Bengal training camp was also going on in Georgetown at the same time! While working on a Saturday delivering cannister of pre-mix and other such important stuff to the carnies (God how many hours F. and I put in were unbelievable! He received so much over time and J. gave me extra "Comp" days) and got a page ( did not have cell phones back then) and it was the Bengal camp with 911 behind the phone number.

We rushed to get out of the fair and in my haste I took a right turn in between two steel poles and nailed the van. Not my van, but C's van. C was on vacation and F. was using his van. F. had loaded up the van waiting on me to arrive at the plant for our trip to the fair. I really got the side good.

We backed up and went on! The Bengal camp was waiting for us.

The next day we had the yearly company picnic at Kings Island. Joe and I had snuck up there kids! I was in the beer garden sitting at a table with B., his wife, Joe and D. B. took a big old slug of beer just as I said, "Oh by the way, I wrecked the van at the Fair yesterday."

B. spewed that beer across the table.

In the meantime, F. was trying to make the van look not so bad. He used white out! The next day we were interrogated in different rooms. The were certain I was covering for F. Because he is a college student etc. etc. Drugs were suspected (as well should have been! hahahah).

B. told me he was going to have to take me for a drug test as is XXX policy. Oh hell.....I had smoked a joint sometime in the not so distant past. So I told B. that I had an appointment I could not get out of and I would meet him back at the plant in an hour. ( B. was the best boss ever. He always wanted you to succeed and be your best. He never challenged any subtle b.s. ...hell, he was the king of it...but you knew he always knew). F. and I raced to the New Age Gift shop and purchased a bottle of this stuff that masks the THC in your system. I guzzled it on the way back to the plant.

I never thought to read the directions.

I had to go so bad that is was such a relief to let loose into that little jar.

Then I read the directions. Void before the pee test.

I was frantic. How the hell it happened I don't know, but I was able to enlist the help of the girl that did the settlement of the days receipts to help me out. Every day she would go through the mail and pick out the envelopes from the clinic that sent the results. Finally, one came and we ran into the bathroom and ripped itopen.

It was not mine! Some poor guy trying to get a job with XXX submitting to the drug test and they were his results. I felt so bad for him! We quickly smashed the evidence in the bottom of the trash bin.

Several days later B. came walking by my desk and get about half way to his office and turns, "Oh by the passed the drug test."

I almost wept with joy.

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