Friday, September 30, 2005

Thirty days hath September

I like being up early. For the past several weeks I have been awaking later and later. The day seems so short beginning in mid-morning. I was making tea at 420am, kissed Joe good-bye, turned on the Singers Standards on cable and settled back into the warm safe arms of the best time of day. Hardly anyone is awake and moving now. It is very quiet the sounds of the expressway some two miles to the East is a soft music of rubber on highway.

This afternoon I interview with XXX. I do not want to get nervous or anxious. Yet, so much hangs on this. A car, a gas card, a reinstatement of benefits. I was asked to change to time of the interview to accommodate the Sales Center Manager who wants to sit in on it. That sends a message. A good one that I can not quite articulate. I'm certain that my plight is known. I'm certain that my reputation from Lexington accompanies me. My connections. My humbling experience in Portland.

Life has turned into a vast sea of nothingness. I read, I cook, I walk/run. I watch too much tv. I drink too much. I miss home very much. I have dried up creatively with my writing. No inspiration. Just a longing for something I can't put my mind around. My friends, my family, my beloved Kentucky. My daughter. The familiar things. The simple things. The feeling of belonging.

The shortcomings of Indiana will never fade. I'm hoping with a job that keeps me in the area I will learn more of the city itself. Urging it to give up its secrets. To expose the wonderfulness of its existence. Prove to me that I am wrong. I can last another six months or more.

I just hope ........

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