Wednesday, February 02, 2005


24 hours later I was on I-40 heading west with John, and two other guys. The adventure of my life in more ways than one.

Destination: Tucson! I had never been further west than Memphis! When I use my minds eye and remember that journey, it is the huge, endless blue sky I see. The long trip made in a Volkswagen Beetle, the color that was not really red and not really orange. I did not know how to drive a standard shift, so I was exempt from any driving duties. I was able to just watch the country side change and become so different from anything I was familiar with, I may as well been on the moon.

As most things in life, it happened when I least expected it. I feel in love with John on that trip. I remember the moment. We were doing the tourist thing, riding horses on a desert path. While I was watching him handle his horse with such ease and authority something inside of me shifted. He looked so beautiful, so handsome. I just fell. I fell in love with someone I had known for a year!

It was incredible. The emotion was not a crush, not an infatuation. The sensation had nothing to do with longing, nor looking for someone to complete me. It was a sweeping tenderness and a free fall. As if I had taken a step off the cliffs of safety and into the glorious unknown. It was as wonderful as I dreamed it would be. When I looked at him, my heart beat faster. I was stunned, caught completely off guard, and deliriously happy.

After several weeks in Tucson, we came home to Murray and moved in together.

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