Thursday, February 10, 2005


My car was on the blink so I took a bus downtown to the Planned Parenthood building. I knew I was pregnant, actually I feared I was pregnant. I was uninsured and marrying Mike was quite out of the question....I probably would have under the circumstances, but he was not the marrying kind.

It was positive. I was stunned. I had feared the worst and now it was confirmed. I climbed on the bus in a fog and stumbled into a seat. I did not know what to do. Then the cloud lifted and I was suddenly so thrilled, so happy, so exhilarated and full of joy! I turned to the elderly lady sitting beside me, "I just found out I am going to have a baby!"...."Well, imagine that! That's wonderful!"

Mike did not have the same reaction. He was adamant that I have an abortion. He listed his reasons. Some valid, some selfish, some mean.

I scheduled one. And then waited for the day to arrive in a funk.

The night before it was to take place, I was watching mindless TV. Little House on the prairie. The older sister had married and somehow lost her eyesight. Somehow her cabin caught on fire. Because of her blindness she could not find her baby. She was dragged out of the burning structure and was screaming, "MY BABY MY BABY MY BABY"........I was so torn up that even today I am crying writing this.

God talks to us in whispers and sometimes he bangs us on the back of the head. I cancelled the appointment and found the courage to tell my parents naturally thinking it would kill them.

I told Dad first because Mom was at one of her many meeting that evening. He took it in stride. When Mom came home he told her, "Mary's going to have a baby." and mom looked at me and said, "I knew it was a matter of time." and that was that!

No death, no crying, no accusations, no guilt. Just loving acceptance.

It was the toughest decision I thought I was going to have to make. But I was wrong. I went to Houston to live with an Aunt and Uncle for the duration of the presence and God sent Fr. Steffes to guide me along this chosen path. Fr. Steffes was a priest from my grammar school in KY. What he was going 1200 miles in Houston for me? Just a miracle. He helped me decide whether to give Bridget up for Adoption or the Alternative, which was to straighten out my life and accept responsibility of which I had no idea.

That was the hardest decision. And I know I made the selfish choice. I have never loved anyone as fiercely and unconditionally and with such careless abandon as I love my daughter Bridget.

Even though I thought I was going to die giving birth to her.

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