Sunday, January 01, 2012

Too Much Conversation Not Enough Action

The retail shop had cleared out. A welcome reprieve after weeks of frenzied shopping and wrapping and my nerves along with my emotions growing thin.

As I finished my nightly ritual of straightening and replenishing I was lounging around the cash stand when my co-worker asked me, "Any new Year resolutions on the horizon?"

I shrugged and decided to share the top two, the virtual tip of the iceberg.

"I hope to make a commitment to go to the Y at least three times a week and to give up candy."

"What!! Give up candy!!??" (we are surrounded by candy!)

I nodded my determination. After all, I gave up ALL SWEETS for lent last year and DID IT! Now that is resolve. This is one subcategory of a large super set. I can do it. My teeth will thank me in the long run. In the mean time my thoughts raced to the two bags of candy cane kisses, the tin of chocolate pulled candy and the peppermint bark I still had hidden in the cupboard. There is a BIG mouse in my house who goes by the name of Joe and this hiding of candy is a sick and ongoing game we play.

I asked if he had any resolutions.

It was like the flood gates opened. "I am going to get closer to God." He told me how he has strayed from church and brotherhood.

"I am going to resume my good habits, which I have abandoned. I use to check my bank account every morning to make certain things were right. I cleaned my apartment every evening when I got home. Every evening." He shook in head in amazement. "I had some good habits that I need to get back."

"The third one is I am going to find a new job. One job. Not two jobs anymore. One job. I am missing out on my daughters growing up. I do not spend enough time with my family, my cousins my Mama."

I wanted to ask him how prior years had gone for him. If he had conquered his resolutions, but I didn't.

We discussed the barriers, emotional and the economy, for finding decent work.

I too want to find a single job. I find that I am turning into someone I no longer recognize. When ever someone asks me a super dumb question, like standing outside an exhibit at Elvis World and asking me what is it. And I say "You have to go in and find out"....and I say it with a smile, but inside I know.

I know I am just plain mean any more.

I too will find one job and only one job. I have set the bar too low for myself and have accepted my positions as fate, as the result of my age.

But that is bull, it is just laziness and fear that keeps me at these stupid jobs.

I hope this is not just talk.

"Talk is cheap" - famous throw off line I have heard a million times from my Mom.

7 comments:

TARYTERRE said...

May the New Year bless you with all your resolutions fullfilled. Take care.

sunflowerkat321 said...

I too feel like the things I want to tackle for this year are a result of laziness and the age excuse. Best wishes in your endeavors! Time to get tough!

Eryl said...

Is it laziness or is just experience coupled with a nagging fear? Talk may be cheap, but it's a start, I have to talk myself into things, and out of that fear.

My new year's resolution is to say "fuck it, let's just have a go," more often.

Have a good one!

Nannette Turner said...

I loved this post. We all get wrapped up in the crap life throws and forget the important stuff. We all need a reminder to get back on track. The first day of the year is one of those reminders.

Nelle said...

Great post. Once again, Mary, I am so grateful to have found your AOL blog years ago and followed you. You are a real friend and your snail mail cards/postcards have brightened so many of my days. Don't sell yourself short, sometimes it's okay to do less than we are capable of as we regroup and I think that was the case for you. You rock woman.

Anonymous said...

Great Post....lots to think about.

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Leanne said...

Interesting. I'd never have a chance with candy all around me... Good luck!