Too Much Conversation Not Enough Action

The retail shop had cleared out. A welcome reprieve after weeks of frenzied shopping and wrapping and my nerves along with my emotions growing thin.

As I finished my nightly ritual of straightening and replenishing I was lounging around the cash stand when my co-worker asked me, "Any new Year resolutions on the horizon?"

I shrugged and decided to share the top two, the virtual tip of the iceberg.

"I hope to make a commitment to go to the Y at least three times a week and to give up candy."

"What!! Give up candy!!??" (we are surrounded by candy!)

I nodded my determination. After all, I gave up ALL SWEETS for lent last year and DID IT! Now that is resolve. This is one subcategory of a large super set. I can do it. My teeth will thank me in the long run. In the mean time my thoughts raced to the two bags of candy cane kisses, the tin of chocolate pulled candy and the peppermint bark I still had hidden in the cupboard. There is a BIG mouse in my house who goes by the name of Joe and this hiding of candy is a sick and ongoing game we play.

I asked if he had any resolutions.

It was like the flood gates opened. "I am going to get closer to God." He told me how he has strayed from church and brotherhood.

"I am going to resume my good habits, which I have abandoned. I use to check my bank account every morning to make certain things were right. I cleaned my apartment every evening when I got home. Every evening." He shook in head in amazement. "I had some good habits that I need to get back."

"The third one is I am going to find a new job. One job. Not two jobs anymore. One job. I am missing out on my daughters growing up. I do not spend enough time with my family, my cousins my Mama."

I wanted to ask him how prior years had gone for him. If he had conquered his resolutions, but I didn't.

We discussed the barriers, emotional and the economy, for finding decent work.

I too want to find a single job. I find that I am turning into someone I no longer recognize. When ever someone asks me a super dumb question, like standing outside an exhibit at Elvis World and asking me what is it. And I say "You have to go in and find out"....and I say it with a smile, but inside I know.

I know I am just plain mean any more.

I too will find one job and only one job. I have set the bar too low for myself and have accepted my positions as fate, as the result of my age.

But that is bull, it is just laziness and fear that keeps me at these stupid jobs.

I hope this is not just talk.

"Talk is cheap" - famous throw off line I have heard a million times from my Mom.