NEW YEAR WISHES


I have written about my first "Bible" (journal) before. This picture literally fell out a few moments ago. It fits quite nicely considering where my thoughts have been this afternoon. I went up to the attic and recovered my old (old) address book. This is one I have have had in use since highschool. It has quite a few of my highschool chums addressed scribbled in pencil on the pages.

What I am most curious about are the people from Murray I knew so long long ago. I found the few, the ones I would love to contact. I accessed Classmates.com and began to look. I so far, have found one! I think to join will be a fun thing. I'll do it when I return Monday.

I want to reconnect with, find old friends. It is selfish of me, I want a Christmas card list that is at least (be realistic, girl) 60 people!

Oh, the picture. I'm going to save the explanation for a less rushed entry (have to leave in 45 minutes). But, notice Washington Square in the background!

GIRLS LOVE THEIR PONIES


I go to the box of photo's for inspiration. Life has been in the dullsville as of late. With the hustle and bustle of Christmas behind us it is hard to get excited about much. News Year Eve, Zorro and I shall walk to SOUTHGATE HOUSE in Newport and partake in the celebration going on there. A very easy walk home.

There I was some 40 odd years ago, sitting so pretty on a horse at a birthday party held on Blackburn Court at Shelley's house. No idea who's birthday it could have been! Precious picture of T. (my middle bro) sitting on the house crying! Big Baby! Several years ago I was dating a guy who among other things, framed pictures. He took the three pictures of me, N. & T. and made a beautiful picture frame for Christmas for my Mom...circa 1978. He was also a musician, playing jazz electric bass. I met him through Shirley, the bar manager. Her husband, (who died this past January, what a shame) and J. would come in and wait at the bar for Shirley to finish. J. had beautiful long blonde hair. He was pretty enough to be a girl. I inadvertently broke his heart. He was the nicest person, but it was not meant to be for him and me.

How I went from the Pony To Breaking Hearts...well, I guess that is rambling.

Fruits of My Labor


I really like this photo taken in the kitchen yesterday around 230pm. The light is coming through the window and just bathing the table. I took the picture so that Zorro could see the baskets I have been making for the women on his side of the family.

I slept late this morning, waking up a little before 9am! I am going to load up the sleigh and head towards Cincinnati where they experience a devastating winter storm earlier this week. The only that prohibited Zorro from coming home.

We have missed Christmas together before. I'll be damned if as a married couple you will spend our first separated!

This could be very interesting!

WINTER STORM DECEMBER 2004


WHAT I SEE

The entire day yesterday the alarm was out, winter storm coming! I waited all day and all night. When my alarm went off at 430 am, I was greeted with the sound of ice pellets hitting the back of the house. I quickly found out they were bombarding all sides, including the roof! A thick sheet of ice encapsulated everything. As the weak sun appeared and cast down muted light....it was a winter fairy land. So naturally, I called in took a personal day.

I grabbed my camera, bundled up and hit the sidewalks. I began my journey walking down Broadway. As I reached Main Street I realized that I was on the familiar path I took most mornings on my walk to school, because I always missed the bus. The sidewalk led me towards downtown, passing in front of the churches that line the street. First, the abandoned Catholic church (now a catering facility) followed by the large houses that sit back on a hill with large sweeping front yards with the spectacular rock walls. In my graceful youth, I balanced myself from precarious rock top to the next. The Episcopalian Church, the Baptist church, the Presbyterian church and then you were in the center of town.

I took pictures of everything that I fancied. Empty lots where Hobbs once stood, the site of my first attempt at being a criminal...shoplifting. The expansion of the library, the library that was at one time confined to the top floor of the building with the smell of moldy books all bound in that rich earthy maroon tone. My Mom took charge of the archaic excuse for a library and changed it for all time. The site of the old Court House that burnt to the ground in the early 1960's. The Corner Drug Store still there, though very much changed eerily remains much the same.

Through the scary park where I was not allowed to play because of bums living down there. Where did those so called "bums" go?

Ending up at the cemetery. For one brief moment the sun shone through a small break in the granite gray sky. The above picture is the result. Much more dramatic in person than I could ever convey with Photoshop.

LET IT SNOW


I have hundreds of these photo's. All memory melodies humming their lyrics in my head and I transport them to this medium!

The Gang! Well, about four of us from the gang, myself behind the camera. Our favorite playmate, H. on the bottom. Just one of the girls. Back in those days we never asked ourselves if he was a little different. We just accepted him as one of us. He was the most fun. I have lots of H. stories, but the nicest one of all is that we do keep in touch!

Anyone that can take three girls on top and ride them down a snowy hill is a real man in my book!

MEMORY BOX


L. AND C.F.

I started off calling this Pandora's Box. Then I realized it was not that, but a magic box full of pictures from my High School years and early college. Each picture transforms the box into a music box, the sweet melody of the memories gently nudging my day dreams.

I saw C.F. this past week. There is no other like her never will be a replacement for her, the space she holds in my heart. She is the closest thing I ever had to a sister after my two blood sisters. Circumstance, alcohol, bad marriage, guilt and trauma, maybe post trauma stress syndrome accompanied with death, mental illness, denial, and loosing everything has transformed my best friend into someone I do not know. I will never have C.F. back the way she was before life and alcohol beat her down and rearranged her.

The woman was wearing a camel color car coat length jacket. Around her neck was a long knitted scarf dramatically wrapped, the ends flying like wings on either side of her. Her legs appeared skinny under the long tailored pants, balanced on spiky high heeled shoes. On her head was a gauntly angled cap. Her hands were encased in leather gloves. Extended out for balance as she confidently jay walked across Short Street. A cigarette dangled between the fingers.

I never saw her face, but I know it was her. No one crosses a street with such a style as she always did. No matter the amount of alcohol and regret that ravages her, she can still stop traffic.

THE BIRTHDAY GANG ON KILMER DR. circa 1959


BABY BOOMER GENERATION

The date on the back of the photo says August 1959. The date means nothing. It is not a birthday...so I am perplexed. Regardless..... Next to me, I am the one on the left holding Sue Alice's hand, is Shelley. Next to Shelley is Ned, then Tombo showing his tummy for all to see for eternity. Behind us is my Mom holding little Pork Chop Paddy, Jimmy, Mike and finally Tommy.

I received a phone call from Shell about two weeks ago. I run into Sue Alice in the Kroger store, ditto with Tommy. Mike I believe I ran into at the Lex. Co. Club. My brothers are a constant in my life. Jimmy is the only one lost to time and circumstance.

This is the fun part of life and blogging. Finding little puzzle pieces of my life in these photographs and them placing them into the picture. The whole will be the memoir. Fragments with memories being the glue.

STEVE


I know this is not a very flattering picture of Zorro. I took it while in Dublin earlier this year. We were in a mall type area, with open stalls of shops in the middle, traditional stores on either side. Zorro put these glasses on and goofed around. Stealing the scene from Multiplicity.

Marriage is hard. Him being in Newport is hard. My feelings become hurt. I guess I want him to be nicer to me and sometimes he just isn't. I have a ton of faults. I am trying to squelch the ones I can in regards to the family situation...our blended family. I know I can be more attuned to what is happening, and sometimes I am thick on purpous. I think that some dynamics are in play behind the scenes that I have no control, no knowledge of, just a hint of suspicion. I think B. tells things that are not true in relation to me. I assume she likes to play drama card, gain attention from her Mom...perhaps even the notion of loyalty is factored in. Anyway, I find it awkward that I was not considered part of the solution with her........It is beginning to sound ridiculous even to me.

Zorro left here with me angry at him. Maybe he does not know how he comes across. I just don't know if I trust him up there in Newport alone. I wish he were not so damn mean. I am on his side afterall.

Not making very much sense am I?

NANA circa 1914


Sometime last year my Aunt showed a letter to me she had received from a cousin of ours named Hugh. I was rather shocked that I had cousins I knew nothing about. I realized there was a lot about my Dad's side of the family of which I knew very little. In particular, the multitudes of relatives I have in England, Ireland, and God knows where else.

Hugh and I have been sporadically emailing each other ever since then. Anyone who has ever pried the lid off a Pandora box will understand how overwhelming it can be. Yet thrilling.

My Grandmother was a beautiful woman. I found her on a manifest in 1913 coming to the United States through Ellis Island. She was to join her husband, who I will call R.P., who was already living in NYC.

It is a tale of woe. R.P. was an alcoholic who abandoned his family leaving Nana alone to raise three children. Gerald, who is pictured above, died at an early age. Nana cried and grieved for Gerald to her dying day. Nana's family helped, opening the family home in NYC for Nana to stay and have a home for her three surviving children. When her mother died, the family home was overtaken by the oldest (unmarried) brother and Nana was literally put on the street.

Bad Blood was born. That is why finding all these cousins is such a shock. They were never mentioned before I saw that letter from Hugh looking for us!

I'm writing about this because I am excited. Today I have been contacted by yet another cousin...as she puts it LONG LOST COUSIN 16,000 TIMES REMOVED. She is English and living in Alabama!

Ain't Life Grand?

WHAT I SEE


START AT THE END.......THEY MAKE THE BEST BEGINNINGS

I have just popped my second hydrocodone of the afternoon because my latest outbreak of shingles is hurting like a mother! I have it in the most uncomfortable area imaginable! Last night I felt the tingling of it beginning to break out, and unsuspecting I thought, "Gads, that smarts ........oh freaking nooooooooooooooooooo!!!!!!!!!!!" The only good thing is the supply of hydrocodone, which I do not need after the first 24 hours but save for those special times when I desperately need them. Such as giving to Zorro so he will fly! Bad pun, I mean to enable him to get on a plane.

So I may be a little loopy.

I'm home alone while my sweetie is up North working. I have my Irish music on the stereo, Lunasa, the Kinnitty Sessions. I have spent all afternoon reading the greatest book, POSTCARDS by E. Annie Proulx. I have been practically unable to put it down since I started reading it the other day. Fantastic literature. Best of all, I am on the computer to my hearts content without someone shouting at me from the living room, "What are you doing in there? Blogging AGAIN!!!!!!!" So I should be in heaven, right? All ME time.

I am so over the thrill of being able to do anything I want. I miss my sweetie and I am melancholy...especially being pumped full of hydrocodone. Some of the worst parts are looking for my "lost" stuff and having no one to immediately blame. Having no one to wrestle over the remote control...(why is it that men feel they should be in charge of the remote)? No one to come home to and cook dinner for.

Thinking I lived for the weekends before....?

I had no idea.

DREARY DAY ON MONMOUTH


The second weekend spent in Newport was not as exciting as the first. We got a later start and the weather was overcast with drizzle. We got out later in the evening when Zorro woke up, just shopping at the knock off Big Lots. It has a name, but it is strange like Mazuks perhaps.

Saturday evening Mom called not feeling well. I could not help. Added to the helplessness was the fact that the phone seemed to be busy for over an hour. I finally got through and spoke to my brother P. who was going to spend the night. I was feeling pretty low that I was not there to aide. It must have taken P. over an hour to get there. Me? I'm five minutes away.

Sunday was another dreary day, but I grabbed my camera and took an hour walk around town. I took numerous pictures along the main Newport Street, Monmouth. Actually, I was trying to capture the names of the various restaurtants and bars for future reference and visitation!

Pepper Pod Restaurant.

Peyton Place Restaurant.

Scotties Place.

Eberts Meats.

I took this shot along side Peyton Place. It was amazing that the geraniums were still in bloom on December 12th. I liked the rusty mailbox and the green awning background. I know it looks kind of busy, but I decided not to crop it too much.

Mom is okay. I still would like .............

LYNN'S PARADISE CAFE


CULINARY AND VISUAL DELIGHT IN LOUISVILLE

The colors are straight from the Caribbean. Pinks, yellows, soft sea blues. Two trees, possible paper mache, dominate the dining area. Reaching to the ceiling with white branches and trunk, as if winter is year round in Lynn's. Hanging from the trees are small miniature disco ball ornaments. The walls above the windows kicking out into the room are the bottom half of mannequins covered in psychedelic color 60's style pants and kooky socks. The tables in the center of the room are a hodge podge of mismatched Formica style art deco treasures found at yard sales, flea markets and Grandma's. The legs made of curved aluminum, are art in themselves. Against the wall, under the windows & dancing legs are bright booths upholstered in red vinyl. On the window sills are handfuls of mixed up Trivial Pursuit cards from the various versions for your challenge. Also a puzzle is available, one that is hand made and requires exquisite dexterity to maneuver the tiny silver ball across and over each bridge to the "win"spot. And the best of all, an army of small dinosaurs to play with and arrange.... ready to devour your meal once it arrives at the table.

Table lamps are everywhere. The type with ceramic bottoms painted with large cabbage roses, and fringed lamp shades. Everywhere you look is a magical and visual delight.

It is a treat to dine at Lynn's Paradise Cafe. I usually try to get in on those days where there is a 45 minute wait. Sometimes I'll just accept it, order a bloody Mary and wait. I was introduced to Lynn's after running my first 10K. It seemed to be the happening place afterwards as the room was filled runners wearing the T-shirts of the first leg of the Triple Crown.

I fell in love.

It was a treat to introduce Bridget and her sweetheart S. to Lynn's today.

They loved it too. (they love when I come to Louisville because we all eat well!)

COINCIDENCE........I DON'T THINK SO.

I am up at 4am again. Why? Because I am crazy and lazy. Zorro is coming home today and I have to tidy up the house, vacuum, hide stuff...the usual. I went over to Moms to sit with Dad while she attended Mass for the holy day of obligation ( which one I can not remember, but it has something to do with Mary). So, my plans of putting up a tree and baking cookies did not pan out (bad pun).

Naturally I had to get to bed. It is not easy getting up at 4am three days in a row. Geez.

Yesterday I was shopping for several things. First, my ANY SOLDIER package that I want to get in the mail today. I ran across an article in the Cincinnati paper that outlines how to do it, I got on line and found a Marine that would distribute the stuff I send. Off to Sams Club for a bag of candy, a big container of bubble gum and some brand new Skittle chewing gum. Today I will throw in eye drops, baby wipes, and lip balm. I wanted to include home made cookies, but I guess I can do that later.

They also asked for DVD's and VHS's, so I thought I would swing by the Salvation Army Thrift store and check out their selection. And while I was there, I figured I could replace my bathrobe.

This is the story, while in Knoxville I left my beloved Victoria Secret flannel blue and white checkered robe. I have had that robe for years, considering it one of my most fantastic bargains found at this particular Salvation Army for $6.99 several years ago. Could I lose this robe in Ireland...no. How about the two cruises we went on...no. All the numerous hotels we go to...no. How about Dublin Ohio? no. Louisville?....no.

So I wander over towards the sleepwear aisle.

Now I know some of you will be thinning, "Ick!" But I am one cheap lady. How do you think I afford all the great Plum Wine?

I saw a blue robe hanging from the rack. I thought to myself, wouldn't that be great if I could find the same robe.

I'll be damned! There it was, the blue and white checkered Victoria Secret flannel robe! Only this time it is a petite (I cam live with it), it is a little more worn than the one I had and it comes with a belt. And for $4.99

I couldn't be happier and warmer! God works in mysterious ways, and if you try to tell me any different, I'll just patronize you.

THE FIRST LOVE IS FOREVER


Once again I took an envelope of 120 negatives to be processed and got back a handful of fairy dust. Once again transported back to the mid-70's and JVK.

This picture is wonderful and makes me close my eyes and reach out and try to remember what that silky brown hair felt like inbetween my fingers. If only to trace those pouty lips . To have the thrill again of that lightening bolt jolt of lust. Watching him, that cigarette held in such a casual manner from his dramatic mouth, gunning the engine on that motorcycle. Climbing up behind him, sliding my arms around his 23 year old waist and holding on tightly.

Smelling the mixture of nicotine and exhaust.

Taking off into the past.

PHOTO FRIDAY ENTRY REFLECTIONS IN A PUDDLE

DAMN THAT CLARK HOWARD

It is time for my entry in Photo Friday. REFLECTION. I have waited the appropriate three to five days to ponder how to do it! Quite frankly, most all the people who participate are accomplished with a camera. So, I like to sort of sneak mine in after the rush.

It rained all day yesterday and half of today. Finally, the sun broke out and I jubliantly went to downtown Lexington to shoot one of the tall building with the coolest gold glass! The wind was horrific! I was almost blown down. My purse caught a tremendous updraft and nearly flew away with all my stuff.

I found a very quiet and uninhabited Friendship Garden. I walked around and took numerous pictures, wondering if what I was seeing would translate to the computer. It did.

Happily, I made my way home only to become very caught up in a Clark Howard topic discussion. It seems that it is being argued before the Supreme Court the right to purchase wine over state lines. You can only imagine my interest, as there is this lovely winery just over the Georgia border that has the most divine Plum Wine. (throw back to my BoonesFarm drinking days.) I was hanging on his every word and suddenly I noticed the police lights coming up fast behind me! Damn it all!!!!!!!! He ended up being very nice, since I learned my lesson the last time and did not tell him that I do it all the time .........and ended up with a warning.

When I arrived home I had waiting for me a letter (A REAL LETTER!!) from my cousin in LA!

Sometimes I think I live a charmed life.

PEACE BELL


EXPLORING NEWPORT

It is going to be a long process to find out all there is to know about Newport and the surrounding area. I look forward to it and gushed to Zorro this morning about how I love it! I heard the bitterness in his voice when he acknowledged my statement. He is up there alone, faced with another empty day to fill.

I read somewhere, its not that we see the world the way it is, but we see the world the way we are.

TWAS THE NIGHT BEFORE ......


FIRST WEEKEND IN NEWPORT

Our first weekend in Newport! So much to do, so much to see, so many places to go! On the trip last weekend I noticed that a "Luminous Lighting & Holiday Walk" was to take place at the Newport Levee. I thought it would be a nice event to attend and take my step daughter B. while Zorro worked. We studied the local event tabloid which promised the following. "The annual City of Newport Santa parade......."

When the time approached, we bundled up and headed towards the Levee. Small white bags lined the street, weighed down with sand and anchored with white candles. We wandered all around, sneaking into the candy shop and buying a bag of carmels and chocolate covered jellies (yuck! I hate them from the box but oh I love them fresh!) and sharing a secret together from Zorro who refers to us as "Chunky Monkeys".

The candles were lit and we shared a good chuckle as one of the bags erupted into flames and burned brightly for several moments. We walked up and down the street.....confused. Where were the crowds that usually accompany a parade? Certainly we were in the right spot! The candles blazing were a dead give away.

We took a seat right on a wall in front of the Levee and waited. And waited. And waited. B. Stood up and squinted into the street that sloped upward before landing infront of us. "I see police cars!" she excitedly exclaimed! And in a few moments, so did I. They roared down the main drag and stopped the traffic in front of us. The parade must be coming!

Wait....What is that? A horse drawn carriage. Clip clop clip clop clip clop. It turned infront of us, the driver wearing a Santa hat and sitting in the seat behind him.....not even waving at the handful of people ..........when we all realized, its SANTA!

We followed him to the bottom of the steps where he twice said thank-you to the driver and then proceeded to give out a few candy canes to the children who were struck dumb by the climatic arrival.

B. and I hurriedly ran back to the street thinking there must be a parade following.........nothing. We hesitantly returned to Santa and waited for the lighting of the Christmas tree.

Everybody, all together now. Ten, nine, eight, seven, six, five, four, three, two, one! Hurray!!!! Oops...Nothing. Then about ten seconds later..The tree lit up!

B. turns to me and in all her nine year old innocence says, "This is the lamest thing I have ever seen."

Ho ho ho.

DECK THE HALLS

I am drinking my first two (because I am on the second one) Eggnogs of the season. They are sooooooooo goooooood!

Went to The Book Cellar and for $8.50 I received the following:


1) Letters Home by Geo. Grant & Karen Grant. Sage advice from Wise
Men &Women of the Ages to Their Friends and Loved ones.

2) Songs in Ordinary Life by Mary McCarry Morris Oprah Book Club

3) The Annie Dillard Reader by Annie herself!

4) Aloha, Mr. Lucky by Carson Nierschfeld........Hawaii, journalist named Star,
and described as his literary ancestors are Leonard and Hiaasen. Sounded
very good!

5) Two Popular Photography magazines July & Sept. 2004

6) Cooking Light magazine Nov/Dec 1994....should have some good holiday
receipts.

7) THE RED FAIRY BOOK edited by Andrew Lang. A 1960 reprint from
an 1890 publication! In ragged condition, but the book actually called to me
from the rack it was sitting on waiting to be shelved.

$8.50!!! Is it any wonder my attic is bulging from all my treasures?

THE GHOST OF CHRISTMAS PAST



Photo Friday challenge is PROSPERITY. I had a bit of difficulty coming up with subject matter. Prosperity means something entirely different to me depending on the context. If you are talking about prosperity in general, I immediatley think of all the farm land that is being bulldozed so that larger and larger homes can be built. Ironically, they are then sold to people who love to say they live in horse country.

Today I went to buy a Christmas tree. I realized that I had found my little bit of prosperity on a tree lot. The trees were so beautifully tall androbustly full ...... with hefty price tags. Years ago when I was a single Mom with little money, Bridget and I would wait until a day or two before Christmas Eve to go buy a tree. They were so picked over by that time it was a miracle to find a nice tree. Yet we managed to do just that every year.

I know I can purchase a tree today without having to look at the price tag. I can buy it weeks before Christmas if I want. I walked among the richly scented trees and took pictures.

I decided to wait to buy the tree. I could not find the special one! I did not feel the magic just yet.

(ps...so totally playing around in Photoshop!)

DRAMA KING

Tonight is the first night of the rest of my life......some old saying like that. Actually, it is the beginning of life with Zorro in Newport and me here. And last night was intense. Somewhere it went wrong, don't know what I did. I am always doing something wrong, like eons ago, and I think I handled it okay. I did not call him and demand to know what was eating at him, why he ignored me two times, why he did not come in and say goodnight to me or goodbye. But I didn't. I called him as usual in the morning and things seemed okay. He sounded upset around the edges. B. had written him a letter about him leaving and he was choked up. He mentioned how bigger she seemed since he had last seen her (five days ago..lol) and I mentioned that she was growing very quickly and that he failed to even see she had boobies now! "I have you to always point that out to me." he snarled.

My word. Transference anyone. We talk about the anger his two older children have and how they direct it at me because where else can they find such an easy target. He does not understand that it is genetic and it is from him. I tell myself that he is a little nuts, but then so am I for staying with it.

I love this guy......and I realize I have to live with that. I had accepted the fact that he is far from perfect, has numerous flaws and many that I had to come t terms with to cope. Like B. He loves her, she is the apple of his eye. I can not stand her, but for him I keep that hidden away. I forgave him his indiscretion and beyond. Way beyond. Yet, sometimes I feel that he finds me so lacking in so many ways.

Well, he is no Christmas present. I refuse to go throughout the litany of his past crimes.

I hope that he realizes that he is putting us in a position that if he decides to make Newport his residence and shun our little house, then the only time we will have together will be in the presence of the Satan child?

Drama, people. He has whipped up this life for himself and I am sucked in. Why does this man have nothing? Why does a 51 year old man have approximately 8 more years of hefty child support payments?

I'm pissed off at the ass right now.

OUT OF MY ELEMENT

I attended a luncheon today with one of my coworkers. We are the major sponsor of a Steeplechase held at the Horse Park in the spring. If anyone knows something about horses then you know it ain't cheap! (Horse racing is not called the Sport of Kings for nothing).

The luncheon was held at the University of Kentucky's private country club. We were seated in the library. A cavernous room with a domed ceiling crossed from North to South, East to West with carved wooden beams. A gigantic chandelier cascaded light on us. The four walls were from floor to ceiling glowing polished wood bookcases filled fashionably with first editions Hemmingways and Fitzgeralds (I kid you not!) Four windows graced the outer walls that the top quarter was covered with a carved lattice of inticite wood design. A fireplace stood unlit but still demanding attention, drawing your eye to the eight foot portrait of the former landowner, certainly long gone, in a casual standing poise that will last for eternity.

Something about the surroundings made me feel I was somehow transported into Bizarro World. I went through the motions of being nice, attentive, and a very good listener. The rich are so different from us.....from me. The conversations naturally were about horses, racing, buying horses, traveling for the horse industry, and all that jazz. Fasinating. The former gentry. Three generations removed?

My favorite antidote. A man wanted to buy a horse and asked for some advice regarding how much to spend. This particular person suggested they take a drive. As they were driving around he instructed the person to roll the window down and toss out a $100 bill. "Did that hurt?" he asked.

"No."

"Good, now toss out $50,000..........did that hurt!"

"Hell yes!"

"Now you know how to gage how much to spend".

As I said, fasinating.

This is my family...almost.

Krissy asked for Thanksgiving pictures. I had to wait until today as it is our custom to celebrate together as a family after Thanksgiving Day. That way, no one has to choose between families etc.

I can not believe that I left out my Mom!!!! I went throught all the photos and she was only in one, which was too blurry to use! And one of my brothers and his wife are also missing! Horrors! I thought I caught everyone on digital.

Bridget and S. were unable to be with us, so they are included from Friday night outing in Louisville we attended called Light Up Louisville. Another brother is in NYC. He will be home for Christmas. And my step daughter is with her mother in another state. We miss her.

Otherwise, there we are! My fathers sister, all my brother(s) and sisters, SIL and BIL's....nephews and two nieces. One nephew took a spill on the ice learning how to skate. (really, someone should turn my sister in, lol).
This is what I am most thankful for. Everyone I love in one room, eating way too much and laughing at my mother inviting over the parish priest then offering him dessert....""Father, would you like a slice of 'Better than sex' cake?" "Well, if it is the only way I am going to get it...yes!"

Hilarious.

And my father having another Thanksgiving among us. That alone is what I am most thankful for.

Turkey Trot in Louisville


I got up around 330am yesterday morning in anticipation of the rush to Louisville. Actually I misread my clock (old over the hill eyeballs) and it was not until I noticed the clock on the computer read 401 am I realized my error.

I was up, I had a pot of coffee in me, Zorro arrived home and off we went. It was chilly so I had four layers on top, two on the bottom. I had my trusty small point and shoot digital that fits snugly in my pocket, hence the great picture of me, Zorro and my brother Ned. My sis Kit took the picture and is in another. The run was uneventful, meaning I was at the back of the pack...Curses all you runners who practice before a 10K...WHAT IS YOUR PROBLEM! It was okay, a few snow flakes. I stripped my upper tow layers pretty quickly. Zorro ran with me the entire way, even though I was slow and at times my walking was definitely faster than my laborious running, we finished in about 1hr 10 minutes.

This will become our Thanksgiving Day Tradition. It was great to run, if not literally, with my siblings. Zorro and I came home, laid around the living room watching American Choppers (love those nutty men) and Dinner for Five all afternoon.

Hot Brown for dinner and by the time Survivor rolled around, I could not keep my eyes open!

Newport News


It's not Atlanta, it's not Chicago, it's..............Cincinnati! The past fortnight, since returning from Knoxville, has been a whirlwind of hurling objects, heated conversations, clashing cultures,
tears, resolution and preparation. It has been decided that we find a cheap apartment around the Cincinnati area for Zorro and take six months for the dust to settle. As luck would have it, the very first apartment he looked at was on the Levy on the Kentucky side of the Ohio River, within a rocks throw of the Aquarium! As you can see from the photograph, we can watch the Bengals on the left and the Reds on the left......with a very good pair of binoculars.

I think that if you just have faith in things working out for the best they usually do. You have a choice to be upset or to ride the wave with a smile. You land at the same spot.

Happy Thanksgiving to everyone.

THE HORSE FINISHES LAST

How I wish they gave away money for the pick three of last finishers. That way, Zorro and I would have walked out of Churchill Downs with some money in our pockers, rather than leaving it. Did not bet much, only $2 per race. And so asinine as $2 show bets. Yet, it was fun. Churchill is like the working mans horse track compared to Keeneland which is upper crust, the hoity toity, the grand of the grand. Churchill is for the unwashed. The paddock is pitiful compared to Keeneland.

We went to Shenanigans to eat. So I blew my diet. We visited Bridget and Scott. My heart breaks for those two. Now the car has broken down! I will travel back up there tonight and trade two bikes and a guitar and come home with the new Dr. Pepper bike. Zorro wants it...Bridget is beginning to see the error of her offer to trade us! Laugh out loud! Zorro tells me to be strong....

On the way to Louisville Bailey began playing a game with Zorro identifying letters of the alphabet. For some inexplicable reason, she say "Alphawoman, I don't know where I heard that before". I gripped the steering wheel and kept my mouth shut. I wonder....I just wonder if Danielle is reading my journal! I knew to keep it under wraps there.

Never can be too careful about these things in cyberspace.

TRAINY SORT OF DAY


Somedays are just meant for rambling. It is overcast. I am alone in the house and should have several hours of solitude. I have the SAW DOCTORS on the stereo. I have it turned up full blast for the Live album....The music is relatively unknown in the States and semi difficult to find. I love it. I could put on "HAY WRAP" and listen to it all day long. It lifts my spirits.

I hope that it works out that we go to Ireland this spring. I will go with either Kitty of Peggy. Peggy will corrupt me, I will corrupt Kitty. Either one, hopfully both will be a second trip made in heaven. I will go alone or with Bridget. Now that would be something.

My bonus looks good. Public transportation and Bridget......plan B.

Young Innocent 1967


I'm on the right!

THE BIBLE

My first grown-up journal. No longer just a diary, but a journal. The first entry dated, August 8, 1968 begins...We have left Washington DC today. At this moment we are traveling homeward......And so it began with those few simple words.

The first Bible survives only because I was not sexually active and therefore no entries about the trials and tribulations of teenage sexual agnst. And I burnt all the others. This one was innocent. Both the person who was writing it and the content.

Filled with newspaper clippings, school photographs, saved notes, old conduct cards, gum wrappers, LCH Activity passes, movie tickets, stolen photos from the year book stash of Jan S., the second love of my life (after Kit H. who also happens to have a picture of him standing by the side of the swimming pool trying to teach me to dive) and the Cafe Wha experience. The young woman child that I was fascinates me.

REEDS INSANITY

REEDS ORCHARD AND INSANE BEHAVIOR

I found myself turning onto the twisty, curvy, narrow country road that leads to Reeds Orchard. Nestled two miles off the main highway then down another half mile or so of gravel and pot holes you come upon this gentle oasis of pumpkins and apples.

I did not need to be there, having already a peck of apples sitting at home waiting to be turned into apple pies and caramel apples...........Wait! What am I saying !!! I am on a diet! And while I tell you that, toss in that jar of pumpkin butter on my order. Resist temptation? HA! Throw in another peck of those delicious apples I got the last time....What are they called? Oh who cares! They are delicious! What's this? Pepper jelly! On Cream Cheese with those special crackers. Yummy! Apple cider...YES YES YES.

As I was leaving, she rushed out the door to make sure I took one of the radiant pumpkins with me.....Pumpkin Pie...............

MANIC BEHAVIOR

Would you consider it manic or would you consider it compulsive. Zorro handed me something he took off the internet and it said, "Hobby or obsession?" Funny, sad but true.

I tried to find a place to sit down and write in my regular BIBLE...which is the name I gave my personal handwritten journal back in 1967 when I began to keep one. Got the name from the book, THE WORLD OF HENRY ORIENT. It was the notebook of newpaper clippings, love poems, drawings etc. that they ( the 14 year old Val and her side kick whoes name I can not remember, Val was who I related to!) had collected and/or written about Henry Orient. I loved that book, first found at the used book store called "Dennis' Bookstore". I think I may have gone through several copies before totally misplacing it! I had been trying to hunt it down on the internet for years, losing out on first editions (1958) and other opportunities. Then it was reissued! Who knew it had legs! I had the local Bookstore, Joseph-Beth special order it for me. Guess what, no longer available! Drat! Then I finally, on a fluke found it on line again and ordered it. Got a beautiful small copy. I did not realize it was considered a "juvenile" book. Hello! Did you all see the movie with Peter Sellers and Shelly Winters? Well I did, and and it is about infidelity, 14 year old lust for men old enough to be their fathers amoung other sdult themes! They must have been through off by the main characters being all of 14.

Just like the time I found A CHILD'S GARDEN OF GRASS in the childrens section of the Book Cellar at the main public library. "This does not belong here!" I quickly purchased it, remembering all the wonderful hours we spent all smoked up laughing at the silly LP we had at Murray State University.

I just went through the out line, or the inspiration for at the least three more entries.

I am in a manic mood for days now!

DOVETAIL

I was hoping that things would calm down quickly once the uncertainly was resolved. And it has. Zorro will go up to Newport and pay the deposit and hand over the signed papers and the small apartment across from the aquarium with a running track beginning in the back yard, sitting on the levee, within bike riding distance to the yard office....It is all falling into place.

I will like having a place right outside Cincinnati. That city is a bonafide big city, much like Louisville. A tad more northern while Louisville is southern in location, but Midwesterner in a lot of it tendencies. I will like the change. And I will adjust. I will be spending a lot more time with Belsaba...quite sure that is not the correct spelling, but have decided not to use her real name in here.

More later.

THANK GOD THAT'S (almost) OVER

What a cruddy week end, as all the past three weekends have been. If this fighting and bickering does not stop, I'll pull my hair out. Better yet, I'll pull his hair out. I hope it is dovetailing into some resolution. I effectively talked him out of buying a home/house in Northern Kentucky. My stomach was in knots today, and a feeling of dread engulfed me all day. He was going to look at a house on the market for $15,000. It use to be a restaurant...A what? He (the realtor) thought that if Zorro offered him $12 it would be his. I was miserable all day, trying to shake off the feeling of doom. Can you buy an outhouse for that? I think not. I envisoned me cleaning out our savings, cashing in my IBM stock and having a crappy house I would not even want to set foot it.

Anyway, I brought him around that our only solution is for him to rent...for at least six months. After all, his work requires him to be up there for four days! He was so mean...like this is all my fault! He told me that he may take Bailey up there for weekends. Inside I'm cringing with the symbolic slap in the face......

I should know better. He is going to be so lonely. Why would we want to be in Cint when everything, everyone is here in Lexington? He should feel better now knowing he will have somewhere to stay. Spending over $400 a month because he will not drive it back and forth daily. This weekend I called him the most selfish and self centered person on the face of the earth (lot of drama) and I will live to pay for that. But he is, now we are going to have a long distance relationship.

I think I will enjoy it for awhile. It will be heaven not to have Bailey around every moment of the weekends. Because he will work on Sat. nights now, he will have to take her back and head back to No. Kentucky ....yippee!!!! Why I dislike that child so much I will never know. Life would be so much easier for Zorro and myself if she were different. But, she is demanding, obnoxious, loud and irritating.

On a good note, my eye has stopped twitching!!!

BEFORE

BEFORE.....

There they were, a pack of old negatives with my handwriting of 30 years prior.....AROUND AND ABOUT MURRAY on the envelope. I took them to the photo developing service I use and asked to have them reprinted and put on a disc. Alas, the disc did not happen, and the reprints of 30 year old 120 film is pretty bad, but all in all I am on a magic carpet ride back in time looking at the finished product. The names of the guilty leap immediately to my lips. I say them out loud and enjoy the texture of each as they breathlessly become sounds in the air around me.

I have not changed much. I still have those puffy eyes, though from lack of sleep and not smoking dope.

This is spring 1975. Before I ditched school and headed to Arizona for three weeks with J.

Before I feel in love.
Before I lost that love.
Before I was a mother.
Before my car accident.
Before my having my child.
Before I was betrayed.
Before I realized my dreams were unreachable.
Before I realized my dreams were reachable.
Before I learned to dream and dream and dream in living color.

Duffy on Duffy

OUT WITH THE OLD IN WITH THE NEW

We headed towards Gatlinburg Wednesday afternoon. It is about 45 minutes from K-town and on a bright sunny day it was a joy to head towards the Smoky Mountains. We had been in Gatlinburg in 2001 and had a wonderful time. One of the places we visited was a bar that was situated behind the main drag of stores. Zorro and I stumbled upon it on our last visit. We were intrigued by the bartender, a randy looking dude, a dead ringer for George Carlin. His charm was his crustiness and his surly manner. There was the air that it was an honor to have him wait on us. He treated us with playful disdain. We drank a beer, Zorro discovering the value of a bach beer...ShinerBach to be exact. We watched tv as 911 had just occurred. That is the reason Zorro and I were in the Smokies, having cancelled our trip to Florida due to the planes being grounded.

We left the bar and wandered around Gatlinburg. Have I mentioned that it is the biggest tourist trap in the South? Unbelievable, but fun. I love the salt water taffy and the Mountain Winery. Zorro loves the outlet shopping and the Smoky Mountain Brewery!

Not finding another bar (since anyone who reads Alphawoman knows that Zorro and I always do the pub tour!) we headed back into the small hidden bar. Walking through the door into the dark comfort of the pub the bartender greeted us with a, "Oh no!! Not you two again!" We loved it! We knew we were accepted!

So this trip to Gatlinburg we searched for the tucked away pub, not remembering the name but looking forward to being insulted by George Carlin. I saw beer signs glowing the alluring temptation to come inside. Thinking we had found it, I poked my head in.

"Come on in!" A gentleman coaxed me.

"I'm looking for a bar."

"This is a bar."

I looked around the restaurant, which was empty save for the couple in a booth against the wall, and a young long haired kid reading a magazine behind them, the small grouping of tables in the middle of the room, every inch of the walls covered by artwork and I replied.

"This place had a bartender."

"I have a bartender." He said waving his hand towards the gentleman reading the magazine who then looked up, becoming interested in the conversation.

"This place was called Smilies or something like that."

"My bartender can smile." At this point the "bartender" stood up and began to smile. I was one upped on that retort and the bartender was very cute. Zorro began to push me inside the dark and comfortable hole in the wall.

The couple in the booth began to add to the conversation. "You are talking about Cactus Petes, he closed several years ago." Oh heck!

Duffy was entertaining enough and talked nonstop the entire time we were in there. When I go to a bar, I want a bar to lean up against, I want liquor bottles to reflected my mood, I want to feel like I have entered the hallowed halls of booze. Duffy's was not this. It is something else entirely. After I finished pouting about the demise of Cactus Petes, I enjoyed myself.

But, I would rather be insulted. Such is life, nothing ever waits for you, does it?

Knoxville Founders

KNOXVILLE: Where the Devil is among Friends. Part II

I began the morning by finding my way downtown. I traveled along the River and landed on the outskirts where the University of Tennessee begins. A little further on I cruised through downtown and found my way to a parking lot where I felt safe enough to leave the vehicle unattended and unpaid for. The Art Museum was directly across the street, but alas, did not open until noon. It was a little past nine.

I began walking. I immediately walked into The Worlds Fair Park and stood under the Sunglobe that shines its golden pseudo sun sparkle on the city. The city itself was totally without any one walking! I found my way to the River side and a marina walk way. I only encountered one lady pushing a baby carriage and a long grey bearded man wheeling a bicycle on the pathway. The woman was dressed in a fur lined suede coat. That made me smile, as it was in the high 40's at least! Southerners!

I came up out of the River walk and found the fort that James White first built on a bluff overlooking the valley below, now a criss cross of interstates, and the River towards the East. The fort itself seemed so old. The wood from the surrounding forests and erected in 1786. The trunks of the trees whittled to sharp points on the top to discourage the Indians from entering the homestead.

I enjoyed the venture into downtown, past the courthouse and into some sort of Mall area. It was being decorated for Christmas. A small sampling of the local inhabitants were milling and venturing outdoors now that the sun was higher in the sky and the day was warming to a sultry 50+.

I found myself taking photograph after photograph and thoroughly enjoying the day away from work, away from cares, away from Lexington.

KNOXVILLE: City where the Devil is among friends.

Normally I would say what a great town (city) K-town is. And it was. I am just under a cloud of doubt about the future. Where we will be and if I am okay with it. I hoped it would be Chicago. I know in my heart it would be cruel and unwarranted punishment to make Zorro move to Chicago, or even push the issue.

I could explain to him that Bailey will be 10 years old in a few weeks. In a few years she will be 12. Around that time she will have her friends and being with Dad will be a crap. Unless she is one of this weird children who clings to the opportunity that having a Dad/boyfriend offers? God, help me.

What I think is unimportant. She is very young and needs her Dad. I think Chicago is too far away. He may see or get her once a month, and not the every week-end he gets now. He did let me stomp down Danville. There is no discussion, we will move.

So, the promise that K-town offered was short lived. He was just going through the motions...for me?

RAMBLING PROSE

Thought I would give an update on all that is going on around here. The new Alzheimer's medication my Dad is taking is working a small miracle. Saturday night the whole family was celebrating his 85th birthday, standing around the table, with the birthday cake in front of him singing "Happy Birthday" at the top of our out of tune lungs. He looked around at us and on the last line sang "Happy Birthday to ME!" I almost began crying. Despite the hearing problem, he now will communicate with you in a strong voice rather than the vague facial expressions of late. It is remarkable the strides they are making in treating dementia.

Zorro and I are going to Knoxville this afternoon for two days to enable him to take the required tests for placement in several positions that may be open to him. I think Atlanta is out, but several other options have presented themselves. Chicago being one of them. I am taking a wait and see position, as I have no idea where we will end up! It is like being on an out of control bus careening down a mountainside! Zorro seems to forget that I have to adjust my career and life too, but (sigh)..........

Finally!!!!!!!! At the birthday party my two sisters, Omega and Mid-Sis made semi-commitments to go to IRELAND in March! We have causally been taking about this for several months. I'm there. I am thrilled!

Zorro and I began running again, hoping to be able to run in the Turkey Trot in Louisville on Thanksgiving Day. 10K. I am laughing hysterically. I know I can do it, but it won't be pretty.

DON'T BOGART THAT JOINT, MY FRIEND

JULY 1974

I have to get my chops going, my juices flowing. I think I will start this jaunt back in time with the summer of love. I moved into my first apartment with a girl from Detroit, transplanted into Murray, married and divorced, all in three years! Her mother had a house on 4th street that was divided into two apartments. Toni and I shared the right side. I was in love with J.V. who was ten years older than me, an alcoholic, divorced and facing time in the local jail for transporting some type of drugs. It escapes me, but I believe it was speed or it could have been mescaline! Whatever it was, he was convicted and was in the county jail doing his time and I was sharing an apartment with Toni having the time of my life.

This picture is the gang of us in Memphis at an Eric Clapton concert. I have some memory of it...hahahahah. It was the day of, the day before, perhaps the day after Nixon left the White house.

We were young and had more important things to think about, like don't Bogart that joint my friend.

PARADISE

MAY 1975

I began to have an online journal to enable myself to write about my favorite subject...ME! I have somehow become lost along the way, not only writing for me, but writing for those who read me. And I lost the true intent of self-examination with words and memories.

The picture above I found in a box of old photo's. On the back it says, John - Paradise.

Actually it was the Grand Canyon (I think!). We went to Arizona on a drug run. I went for the adventure and fell in love with John along the way. We made love for the first time the night before we left for the Grand Canyon and the trip home. I suppose I waited with him because it was so obvious he was crazy about me. I wanted him to only think good about me. And I fell in love with him. I remember thinking so often during our time together that it was better to have someone care more about me than I about them. I had no idea. I had little clue that I was with the love of my life. I had no inkling that I was going to spend the rest of my life thinking about him, looking for him every where I go.....

And so, this is the beginning of my (more than likely rambling) chronicles of that time in my life...complete with pictures.

Thank God its Friday

Or TGIF. Did I mention that yesterday was my dad's 85th Birthday? I had my doubts that we were going to celebrate it this year, but he fooled us all. The new Alheimers medication is working like a charm. It will never bring my Dad back but at least it has stopped the rapid decline we were witnessing two weeks ago. And there is hope he will live and realize his prophesy to die in the back of a church at age 90.

I am so upset, but pretty much calmed down now. Several years ago I was in a financial decline and had my car repossessed. Even though I had the job with the great company I am with now, it was catch up time. I bit the bullit and paid the collection agency along with all the fines and fees and had no car. A crime, but I realize that I was in the wrong to get so far behind in my payments, even though I was catching up I was not up to date. I paid the damn thing off by borrowing money from my 401-K. Finished and done with. Well, they are back for the third time trying to collect the same amount of money. It is up to me to unearth the letter I demanded the last time they came after me (for the second time) that states I have pain in full, and also find the paid checks. What a hassel!

I am going to write the Attorney General of KY about this. I am sick and tired of paying for my sins and continue to be harrassed by these vultures!

That's all folks.....

MORNING AFTER

Voting was not so bad yesterday. I was prepared for the line and so surprised! Usually it is a cake walk, sign in, show id, vote, go. And not to forget bull s'ing with the people volunteering at the polling area.

The only glitch was the lady behind me with her 18 month old son who screamed and cried the entire 10 minutes. And she invaded my space. If that kid were any closer to me, I would have been carrying him. I think she did it on purpose! Maybe she did not like my looks, hell maybe she read my mind! I was thinking she was out of her mind being that kid with out a book or a coloring book or toys or something! Oh well, I was ready to be a martyr and then she was pulled out of the line for not being officially registered. Thank you God.

Did much better on the diet. Considering I got up the nerve to stand on the scale and there it was! The dreaded ten pounds! I screamed loud and long! I knew it was bad....it was more than ten pounds actually, but once I got all my clothes stipped off it dropped three pounds.

Did much better, only three candy bars! Those tiny ones! No indian corn, no wheat thins....just some sugar fee pudding and lentil soup. Which I love. It is not on the South Beach diet, but who cares! I am trying to cut out sugar and starch in their ugliest forms! Lentil soup is comfort food, especially on a night where I was realizing that my vote did little good. Even badgering Zorro to vote, did little good. Another four years of strife....as I see it. I am not better off than I was under the Clinton administration, and I am looking at a dismal future as a retiree.

A dreary overcast battleship gray day on the Onio River.

ELECTION DAY

It seems that I find myself at this journal/blog more often than the other. I operate/write under a cloak of anoniminity that is not available to me on Alphawoman. My regular hand written jnl. Seems to be gathering dust in the back seat of the Coke-mobile. I find it difficult to write in the van, too cramped.

I am wolfing down lunch which is two old hamburgers from dinner two nights ago. I am in day two of the South Beach diet....I did not do too well yesterday, giving in to a 99cent jumbo bag of Autumn Mix (yum the indian corn). The the left over candy from Halloween. Thank God Zorro took it to work for distribution to the ghosts and ghouls of NSR. The Autumn mix was tossed into the trash can on the way into Barnes and Noble. Good girl, Alpha!

No one has told my body about the time change. That is why I am wolfing down lunch at 1030am! It is the reason that I crashed at 730pm last night! Awake at 1130pm! Back to bed around 130am. Up at 5am. That's my life , a study in clock study.

I am off to the polls now. Hope the rain hold off.

ATLANTA UPDATE

It would seem that I am heading to Atlanta. Zorro and I go to Roanoak next week so he can participate in a placement test for management jobs. I doubt that will work out, so I am starting to roll around in my head that I may be in Atlanta in a few months.

I don't know. I'm scared as anything. This morning I woke up and thought about the time I moved to Florida. I did it without a moments hesitation. I had little doubt that I could make it. I was walking away from what I considered a dead end job (maybe it was, maybe not) with a degree in my hot young hand (I was 38).

I am now 51. Moving and change does not come so easily anylonger. I have so much baggage to haul with me. Mom and Dad, leaving Bridget, leaving my family. The odds of finding a suitable job at 51.

And it is so tempting to go! The things I will leave behind. This boring job (made so because I make it boring), the step daughter who I have never taken to. I realize this is going to be the easies thing for me and the hardest for Zorro, leaving her. Its shameful, but to me that is the Main Reason for moving! Leaving her and her demanding, selfish self absorbed, unfair, gernerally despicable Mother (the ex) behind!

Shame on me! (secretly doing dance of Joy)

The Slither is dead....long live the Slither 

GHOSTS OF HALLOWEEN PAST

It is with sorrow that I write these words, tonight the very last Slither is being held and I am not taking part in the historic event. For over 20 years the Slither has been as much a part of Halloween as carved pumpkins. It began with a handful of ingenious and serious reverlers intent on having an event to remember. They took to the streets of an area of Louisville called Germantown which can boast of having a bar on every conor and then some! As the years progressed the numbers who joined the ranks swelled. We Slither twice a year, on the eve of the Kentucky Derby and the Halloween weekend.

The streets of Germantown are generally quiet, being a blue collar area. On Halloween when the masses take to the streets, it becomes an noisy phenomenon of fifty to seventy unruly dressed up frolicking idiots. The theme changes from year to year.

All good things must come to an end...Or at least that is what they tell us. The organizers of the annual event, one of which is my BIL, have concluded are in need to pass the torch to an younger generation. And as of today, there were no takers. Such a sad ending to a spectacular and highly anticipated event.

I think there is time......When the Derby draws near and reality knocks someone will step up and take control. Something as precious as the origin of the Mother of all hangovers has got to live on!

RAMBLING UPDATE..........

Dad was released from the hospital today. I would like to thank everyone from the bottom of my heart for all your prayers and well wishes. They worked. All the tests are inconclusive. He was prescribed an additional Alzheimer's medication, new on the market in January. Hopefully it will slow down the rampant decline of the past week. He is home and I will sleep peacefully this night as our Angel Genie is spending the night with Mom to help out.

ON THE HOME FRONT

Zorro (this is the name I have decided to use for my husband) had had enough of the squirrels getting into the attic through the aging air ducts on the roof. He decides they need to be replaced. Seemed easy enough, a trip to Home Depot and a ladder. Mission accomplished! The squirrels were even impressed with his Handy man work.

It rained this weekend. I was in the back of the kitchen when I noticed the ceiling looking ....well, like it was sagging a little. What the heck? Zorro was looking at it with me and he tentatively poked at it with his finger and a chunk of it fell on us, followed by a stream of water.

Being the good wife I am (I have learned quickly a thing or two....I liked being a smart ass girl friend, but I love being a wife more) so I kept my mouth shut. Upon examination of the roof, directly above the disaster, was the new air duct! Biting my tongue, I sigh.

Then I get a terrific idea, "Why don't we call the Monkey Brothers!!!!"

I'll be darned if they did not show up this morning while I was at work! Dang! Zorro said they had split up. Several of them went to Florida for the $35 an hour labor work. Those that remained did so because they are family men with responsibilities. "I have two children with another on the way." Said MB # 1. MB # 2 played with the dog in the neighbors back yard while MB # 1 borrowed back our ladder from our next door neighbor (drumming up another job no doubt)! MB # 2 sounded like Boomhauser from KING OF THE HILL. Zorro did not understand one thing he said except the tail end of the estimate..." MMMM....garble garble garble, BBADDDDD, garble garble garble......MMMMMMMMMMMMmmmmmmm, aaahhhhhhhh.... $200"

Two hours later, MD #1 had the roof fixed. They will be back to give us an estimate for the ceiling inside. I'm going to kill Zorro if he does not call me!

Colorful in Dowtown Louisville 

One of my favorite Gallway shots...have to send a favorite the first time! 

NO TITLE

I went to the hospital and stayed with my Dad till about 830pm. The doctor came in and briefed Mom and myself. They can not find out why he is having these episodes. On the CAT scans, the MRI's, the blood work, the urine tests, the Dopler (looking at his neck veins) all all inconclusive. Prehaps the technology is not sophisticated enough to detect the strokes he is experiencing. There is just no explanation at this point. Only a result of his increased and accelerated deterioration.

It is so sad. I am falling apart on the inside. People ask me how he is, and I have a litaney oth things...he is failing, he is almost 85, he is shutting down, he has dementia, his heart is very slow...and the doctors can tell us nothing and give us no hope.

We will take him home and then make some decisions. My Mother can not care for him on her own. My sister is adament to not place him in a nursing home. Yet, who looks after him when Mom needs a break? Not her, its me.

Who runs over to the house when Dad has slipped out of the chair, or she needs help of any sort...not her, its me.

I love my Dad. I am so ashamned of myself for not being able to handle this better.

THINGS WORSE THAN DEATH

And it has a name, dementia. It is like holding on to my father by the fingertips as he dangles over a cliff. The grip is slipping little by little until he lets go.

He is back in the hospital. Almost two days at home, from Friday evening until Sunday afternoon. My sister and SIL were visiting from Louisville doing yard work etc. When 4pm rolled around, they could not wake him up. The angels always are protecting my family. The traveling nurse was making her visit. She called our family doctor who instructed us to call 911.

His heart rate was so low. This morning it was 47.

And he is hallucinating...or has entirely lost his grip. Last week it was okay, he recognized my Aunt, his sister. "Tell me something about myself". She demanded of him, "You're loony" he threw back (much to the amusement of my mother).

Anyway, please keep us in your prayers and thoughts.

IN THE PALM OF HIS HAND

I don't understand how much of myself I really want to publish in Alphawoman. By understand, I mean the motivation. My handwritten, old fashion diary is lying on the floor of my vehicle. I enjoy this medium a lot. The only problem is, how much. In MLIAOB (which no one but me reads) it is simple. No one has any idea who I am. In ALphawoman, there is the possibility that people so know. Zorro may have told people about it when I was the top dog for a week and I now have peepers. My hit counter way out shines my comments....oh well.

The point being is that Dad is very ill and I don't like how I feel about it. I help out, I am there, but it is so painful to see your Dad become a stranger to you. The last really good concersations I had with Pop would have been 10 years ago. He has been fading for a long time. Every birthday, every Christmas I think will be my last with him.

We brought him home from the hospital today. Mom, Pat and myself. He was over medicated from a sleeping pill and as always (anymore) very uncommunicative. Two priests came and prayed for him, gave him a blessing, and laid hands on him.

I do not want my Dad to suffer anymore. I do not think he is in much pain. But he is reduced to wearing diapers, not being able to wash himself, can not talk, we will have to begin to puree his food because chewing is difficult, his medication must now be crushed and given to him in applesause. I do not want this for my dad. My Pop. The first man I ever loved! I do not want him to be reduced to this lump who watches tv and has only rare moments of lucidity.

I want my Dad back and it is not ever again going to happen until I meet him in heaven. I do not want to see my Mother reduced to role of caregiver/keeper/nurse. I do not want to see every dime they have saved go to a 24 hour a day nurse. Just to give him the care to have an existence of a shell of flesh.

I know that these thoughts are going to haunt me when he does go. I love my Dad.

GOOD BYE MARY MARY QUITE CONTRARY

I changed the name of my blog. I have Mary Mary on an AOL blog that I use for my photoblog....or at least I attempt to have a photo journal. I thought up this name several days ago, but I do not want to start a Fifth journal! Yes a fifth! Crazy. I have one private blog that I use to experiment with. So, I thought I would just change the name of this one.

I am next going to learn how to upload pictures, join a blog circle (what the hell is that) and then learn how to do the good stuff to personalize my blog. When I posted pictures to my MMQC for the Friday challenge, I received 100 hits in less than 24 hours! Can you believe it!

Last night was something else. I woke up when Joe crashed into bed with me. (From this date forward Joe is going to be Zorro). I awoke when Zorro crashed into bed with me. I tossed and turned for sometime before deciding to go to the rest room. I noticed that he had left on the tv. When I had eliminated the white noise of the end of the DVD going through its loop I heard it...water! I walked into the kitchen with trepidation and saw it....it took a few moments to register. Along with the smell and the sense of being in a sauna.

Zorro had turned on the water, presumaly to soak the dishes, and walked off. I had little idea how long it had been running, but the hot water was depleted. The counter flooded, the floor was awash in an eight foot puddle. I turned it off, grabbed plenty of towels once I realized a mop was not going to clean this mess up. I realized it was in the drawer too...Then the cupboard. The pots and pans under the counter were filled, as it they had been set under drips from the ceiling.

A total ugly smelly hot house mess. I cleaned it up to a respectful mess....jumped on the computer in the kitchen for awhile, then went back to bed. Where I tossed and turned for another hour...falling asleep close to 330am having to rise at 5am.

Ugly. Zorro was contrite. The sleepwalking dishwashing fool. I left him struggling with removing the saturated flooring of the cupboards, muttering about buying a circular saw. The vision of him slicing a hand off in my imagination made me rush out of the house!

CHANGES

Isn't it disconcerting that life can seem to be almost perfect, everything falling into place, the very rhythm's of daily life become predictable, reassuring and safe. Suddenly, out of nowhere the monstrous bird of change swoops down and hands you a special delivery announcement!

This has happened to Joe and I. Several things compounded last week to make it a week that we won't ever forget. Joes job is being eliminated. The end of November is the last day the office will be open, then it will be run from a Central location.

We do have some options. Actually, I do not think we have discovered all the options as of yet. The most sparkly and enticing is to follow his job and move to Atlanta. I have yet to sit down and make a list of the pro's and con's for this. I am excited at the prospect of new adventures, a new set of surroundings, new opportunities, escape from doldrums of existence in central Kentucky. On the other hand, my family is here. Bridget would die without me! My Mom and Dad! Joes children! Then again.....Atlanta!

Of course there are other options. I'm scared. Then I'm exhilarated! Then I'm scared again. I have always been the type of person who can accept things and make the best of them. The biggest problem here will be those we have to leave behind.

The other options are not so invigorating!

MORNING HAS BROKEN

I got up very early this morning because I thought I may have a 6am meeting (yes, I was in shock for a long time regarding the barbaric hour that go along with this job). The meeting is not until next week, so I took the opportunity for an early morning swing by Keeneland Race track to watch the horses in their morning work outs.

A stunning sunrise. I am tempted to gush on about it, but I will just let the pictures tell the story. As I watched transfixed, I thought there is not an artist living or dead who could come close to this masterpiece.

Of course not. This one had God's signature on it.

THE SOUTH WILL RISE AGAIN

Of the many reasons that the South is a wonderful place to live, the Civil War Reenactments has got to have a place close to the top. Now I know that the rest of the world think that those of us who live south of the Mason Dixon marry our cousins then settle down to raise our little Frank and Jesse's. Then we build our fortunes growing marijuana, brewing moonshine and raising thoroughbred horses. Sometimes we go crazy and become land developers and chop up great grand pappies farm and sell it on five acre lots. When we want to relax, we hop into our trucks and go to the horse track for some gambling. We smoke a lot of cigarettes. We eat a lot of fried foods. Then we go to church and vote Republican.

Well, some of that is true.............But the stereotype I like the best is the one where we don't concede that we lost the Civil War. Every county that had a battle fought during the war reenacts that battle every year. It is a huge thriving business, this Civil War stuff.

And great fun. Where else can you sit on the side lines and watch men fight each other with swords on horseback? Or see a canon shot out a huge O ring? Or see and hear living history? Reach out and touch personal things that belonged to someone long ago forgotten? Or are they.

The Battle of Perryville, which was reenacted today, was fought in 1862. History tells that over 60,000 Union and Confederate soldiers met in the Perryville area both seeking water. The bloodiest battle fought in the South ensued upon their meeting. Over 7500 casualties resulted. The most mind boggling fact about all this is that 300 homes around this area were used as hospitals to treat the injured and dying.

It was a beautiful day. I wonder what they day was like in 1862?

TINY TANKS

I have always been the designated driver. I am always the appointed chauffeur. It is assumed and taken for granted that I do the driving in this family. In Ireland when he had to assume the role, it was a major problem. Hence, the extra grey hairs, the new swear words and the kissing of the ground at the Return Car Rental Area. It was the same in Boston. It began with me driving off into the night after our flight arrived at Logan around midnight, happy and naive, sporting the glad to be alive attitude. I paid the toll and as I approached the tunnel I realized the twelve lanes were merging into four and that I was being squeezed and had no idea which lane I needed to be in......Then the screaming began.....Well, do you all remember that scene from "Clueless" when she inadvertently enters the LA Freeway? It was very much like that. The Boston experience will have to remain in my memory treasure chest for another time....This entry is about Louisville Friday night.

The Octoberfest at one time was a great event in Louisville. When I lived there in the 1980's it was held in a section of Louisville known as Butchertown. An empty lot was fenced in and the vendors set up booths, a stage was built for the center piece and a tent was erected for Duckdancing and other polka type dances the Germans love. Back in the '80's I could go and actually run into people I knew. But that was a long time ago before the world changed.

Now it is being held on Fourth Street downtown. It seemed like a fun place to check out, so Joe and I went down there. I expected to stay a couple of hours eating, watching Joe throw back a couple of beers, Duckdancing all that great Octoberfest activities. The festival was spread out over the block between Broadway and Chestnut with the stage at the far end. The closeness that the fenced in lot had and the compradery that it demanded was missing at Fourth street. The enchanting quality was gone. I threw back my one beer and settled in for people watching. Joe wanted to leave.

So we left.

I am the designated driver for several reasons. The most important is that Joe drinks much faster than I do. The result of that is that he has to go to the bathroom about five times as many times as I do. I think he was tiny tanks. I know every bathroom pit stop from Mass to Florida. I know most of them in Ireland, for the love of God! It begins with Joe saying "You better start looking for a stop." Friday night I quipped back, "Is it code orange?" He replied, "It feels more like a yellow."

A minute later, IT'S RED, IT'S RED !!!! I am use to this frantic tone and know when its serious, and it sounded serious. I pulled over on a side road that runs alongside the Waterworks and I darted into the main drive way. To both sides of us was a large concrete retaining wall with huge columns at the entrance, Joe ducked behind one of them.

He must have really had to go, because he was back there for a long time.....and then the police officer pulled up next to me. I panicked.....Flashback to the 1970's......My heart was pounding and I was ineffectively trying to roll down my window, which is electronic! I could only think about the beer I had drank 15 minutes ago. My professional life was passing before my eyes. I finally wrenched open the car door and almost fell out, "Are you okay?" he asked.

All I could think of was, "Peeing in public is a crime", so I said the first thing that popped into my mind, "I pulled over to use my cell phone!", he nodded and drove through the iron gate that opened for him. Joe hops into the car, "That was a close one." he says.

It took five minutes for my heart to stop pounding. The '70's ruined me.

The first weekend of October finally arrives! I look forward to it like a child looking forward to Christmas morning. It is the weekend of the St. James Court Art Show held in a section of the city known as old Louisville. 700 artists come from all over the United States to show off their art. It is a visual kaleidoscope of mind blowing proportions. I spent way too much money and had an absolute blast doing it.

My favorite was an artist from Micanopy, Florida, Sandra L. Russell, who had the most unusual photo's on display. She has an old style Polaroid that takes several minutes to develop the picture. While it is setting up, she uses a hooked needle to manipulate the colors! The effect is very Van Gogh-esque. Then I fell in love with the art work of a women who works with textures combining photos, fabric, knick-knacks, what-nots into collages and shadow boxes. Very interesting.

I spoke at some length with Ms. Russell about her photography, computer programs etc. I have the Photoshop program which I installed some three months ago and have not taken the time to experiment with it. She encouraged me to delve into it and discover the mysteries of photo manipulation! The above collage is my first try. As you can see, we spent the day eating and drinking......a lot.

The weekend passed so quickly!

YOU THINK YOU KNOW SOMEONE AND THEN.....

I had the greatest weekend! So many things happened that I am going to get at least three entries out of it! I TOLD Joe that I was going to blog about our Friday night escapade and he did not object...so I took that as consent!

I spent a lot of time with my lovely daughter Bridget. We went to Impellizzeri's Pizza on Bardstown Rd in Louisville. We spent a long time waiting on our dinner and a pizza to go ,( the price you pay for going to a 15 table five star pizza joint) and I found out my daughter has a pen fetish!

Take a look at all the pens she pulled out of her purse! I kid you not! Half of the space in her purse was taken up with her obsession! The family at the table next to ours could not get over it either!

Aren't her teeth beautiful! ($5,000 dollars later! )

CAVE HILL CEMETERY STORY

Bridget and I lived in Louisville during her earliest years. Money was very tight. As in nonexistent. I became very creative when it came to taking Bridget on outings around and about the Derby City. We lived in an area called The Highlands. Among many things, the Highlands is noted for its many and varied parks. Bridget loved nothing better than to be strapped into her baby stoller and off we would go! There was always one within walking distance.

On the edge of The Highlanlds is the most beautiful cemetery imaginable. In the center is the famous duck pond complete with a Fleur-de-lis fountain. These ducks are among the best fed ducks in the world. It is nothing to see 25 people all standing along the banks trying to lure the indifferent ducks and swans to come to them! To be enticed to them because they have the best cracker on the bank!

One winter day, Bridget must have been about two, I bundled her up in her thick snow pants, heavy duty sweat shirt, mittens, boots and winter coat and we headed to the duck pond. I parked on the other side of the pond than usual. I took Bridget out of the back seat, handed her a mitten full of crackers and then turned to close the car door.

Bridget began to walk down the soft incline towards the ducks and her little snow pant clad legs began to pick up speed. I turned just in time to realize she was out of control and I took off after her! Horror of horrors! As in slow motion I still see it in my mind! Me running down the hill, Bridget with her little hand out towards the ducks with the crackers running right over the lip and straight into the duck lake! I panicked thinking she would go in over her head!

Only a big SPLASH! Bridget little surprised face as she landed up to her waist in murky green duck water! Yuck! I yanked her out and we waddled back up the hill to the car. I was laughing, one of those giddy moments Mothers sometimes have.

She claims she still remembers that day. Maybe she does! All I know is that it did not dampen our affection for the ducks, the pond and the most beautiful cemetery in Kentucky.

MADONNA SYNDROME

Was informed this morning to expect some changes at the work place. I was at first put off, but once the information sunk in, I thought, heck why not. It has been four years since the last shake up and I can' t remember why I was upset then. Oh yea, I lost G-town. Oh well, maybe I will get it back.

I have been experiencing another dry spell. When I first started Alphawoman I had to e removed by surgical means from the computer. I was full of ideas, antidotes, stories, memories, history, experiences that I wanted to share. Then as my writing began to attract readers the freedom I once enjoyed, the anonymity is gone. I have no idea who reads my jnl. I knew the people who leave a comment for me, but oh Lord, the hundreds who don't! I had about 30 hits yesterday..I think, maybe 30 hits in two days time, and only six comments. No telling who is reading me, could be anyone. Their are certain people I would be very concerned if I happened to throw caution to the wind and wrote about....let's say Bailey and Joe's concerns regarding her attitudes toward me. Now, I base her attitudes as a reflection of two particular people.....and if one of those persons stumbled upon this jnl! Shit would hit the fan.

My hands feel tied in Alpha.

I need to learn how to paste in the pictures for Blogger. The I could also learn HTML and no telling where it would go. I would not worry one bit about Blogger. I am a little fish in a huge ocean. In AOL-J land, I am a little fish in a little pond. So, it's different.

So, that's it. Maybe I'll swing my creative juices over here. I can write, I can take half decent photographs...I have some fabulous stories.

Maybe it's time to reinvent myself.

NOT DOING A THING

I woke up late. That was the first indication that this was going to be a great day! Usually my internal alarm clock has me stirring around....well, way too early. I had many plans for today. I decided to blow them all off!

I began by going to an art exhibit at the Lexington Cemetery. Absolutely delightful. When the leaves begin their dramatic picturesque change, I will return to the cemetery and dazzle you all with the beauty of the arboretum.

I then meandered downtown and strolled around the streets with my camera. The downtown area was the heart of this city and in some respects, it still is. Today I pretended I was a stranger to Lexington. I tried to look at the familiar with a foreign eye. It was fun. I felt like a tourist! And I imagine I looked like one snapping pictures of anything and everything.

The trees that lined Main Street have been removed. I have no idea why this happened. The beauty of the area has been marred. It is as if a beautiful woman has been stripped of her petticoats! I know that seems an archaic expression, but description of this atrocity is beyond words.

The only good thing that has occurred from this abomination is that the architecture of the old building has been revealed! When something so outrageous as this occurs, I have to look for the good.

MORAL DILEMMA

Yesterday I lost $11. Don't know how....could be in a variety of places. Either left in the money return slot at Walmart, or maybe just dropped on the way to the customer service counter. Heck, I could have even left it at my Mom's. Anyway, it's gone. I hate to loose money. I'd rather give it away than have it blow away.

Which leds me to this...Joe and loosing money. Should I write about it? Should I use some of the crazy stories of the situations that he finds himself in? I would love to and I always have great fun when I write about them to my girlfriend, Deb. He hates it! And it the shoe were on the other foot, maybe I would too.

If I were to share some of these czany stories, I'm sure everybody would love! I do not want to exploit him. (dang it!!!) I do not want to follow him around with a camera and a notebook. I already do with a camera (document for future use). I just don't think he could handle it, the notoriety or celebrity. You all have no idea the amount of material that he hands over to me freely every day...Just being Joe.

Darn my integrity!